A Little Change of Pace This Week

 

   My daughter recently signed me up to write some of my thoughts and ideas about different topics each, that she picks, to eventually become part of a books at some future date. The most recent topic was about “the smells that I like”. Interesting. It did cause me to think a bit and after completing it and sending it off, I decided to use if for one of my columns for the paper. So here we go. 

   When it comes to smells, the nose knows. I have found throughout my lifetime that my nose has proven to be very useful in determining my likes and dislikes and while hearing and eyesight and what I see are important, smell is also an important tool in helping us navigate life.

  In thinking about the smells I like, I can put them in different categories, the first being food. One of my favorites is a freshly baked pumpkin pie. There is nothing like walking into the house and within a few brief seconds know that there will be a wonderful dessert of pumpkin pie and although I can’t smell it yet, I know there is also a fresh container of whipped cream to enhance each bite of pie. Perhaps it is the whipped cream I really like.

   Still in the food category, those summer evenings and the smell of fresh hamburgers on the grill begin to prepare the taste buds for an enjoyable and relaxing evening.

   Moving on from food, I find the smell of freshly cut wood processed with the help of my table saw sets the tone for the project I might be working on. The most fragrant wood I think is pine. But more important, the smell of the wood is the glue that I will be working on for another project around the house.

   As I have gotten older, I am not as interested in all the aftershave lotions and body creams that are available on the shelves of the local stores. But I will admit that every once and a while I will come inside after spending some time outside in a hot and very humid day and splash a bit of smell freshener across my face.

   I think one of my favorite smells, thought, is the smell Mother Nature creates after a brief Spring rain shower. It can be peaceful, calming and somewhat reassuring that I don’t have to go outside and water the garden for at least a few more minutes.

   And last, a walk through the woods with the fresh scent of the tall pine trees and other smells nature has to offer is a good escape from the odors created by the exhausts created by the cars and trucks racing up and down the interstate highway.

   Now there is one smell on my list that might surprise you. It is the smell of the manure being spread on the local fields in preparation for the upcoming growing season. Truth is that it is not the smell I enjoy but knowing that winter is behind us now and summer will soon be here.

 

I Am Not Listening…

   The group of six or seven stood by the door. Their discussion had become quite animated after the meeting adjourned. Each seemed to have his or her own opinion about the topics that had just been discussed and as always, each was very willing to share their feelings about what had just taken place. But was everyone in the group listening? Was I listening?

   There is an art, a skill, to knowing if someone is really listening to what someone else is saying. And as usual you can do a search online, or just ask Alexa, to learn what those skills might be. I was a bit surprised to learn that there are actually activities that one can do to practice and improve their skills to convince others that you are listening to what is being said.

   Throughout my lifetime I have attended many, many, too many meetings and small group discussions and my own participation in them has varied depending upon the topic and who may have been talking. Often, even today, I found myself just listening, watching others and observing their reactions to what was being said or maybe what is not being said. In this current timeframe, or generation if you prefer to call it that, human behavior looks very different than in the past when it seemed that people paid more attention to what was happening in order to either gain a better understanding or learn something. Today, in addition to the possibility of more than one discussion taking place at a time, everyone seems to be playing with their cell phones.  One only needs to watch the recent broadcasts of the search for a new Speaker of the House in Congress to gain a clearer understanding of why it is difficult to get things accomplished. Maybe, each should put their cell phones in a locked box before they enter the chamber so they can have a greater focus on the tasks at hand instead of the constant interruptions.   But that is a discussion for another time.

   Like many other issues in today’s world, there are a number of studies taking place to determine if people are really listening to what is being said. Even more interesting are the studies and findings that focus specifically at the moment on whether someone is “involved” and listening to a one-on-one conversation you may be having with someone or are they are just being polite, eagerly waiting to get out of the room. How do we know?

   Whether it is a one-on-one or a group discussion, research has generally focused on two areas, body posture and the eyes. If someone is talking and those who are supposed to be listening are looking out the window, maybe out at the golf course or looking down reading their emails, chances are pretty good their minds may be in another location. But more important than body posture are the eyes and eye contact. And the ability or willingness to maintain eye contact is critical as a signal to know whether someone is listening and paying attention. And what do you do if you sense that someone is not listening? Of course. Ask Alexa! She is loaded with lots of ideas.

   We can come up with all kinds and types of reasons why people don’t always listen. They may have a different opinion or belief about what is being said and know it is better to keep silent. They have their own agenda, different from the current discussion. They may not understand what is being said and are often too afraid to admit in a public setting what they don’t know. They may have other issues and concerns on their mind and or have no interest in what is being discussed. They may just want to be outside on the golf course at that moment in time.

          But there may be a very simple explanation for not listening.  “I am not listening. I am just waiting to talk.” Now would you all stop talking and ‘please’ move out of the way so I can get out the door. “Thank you.”

  

 

Soon To Be Forgotten…

   Every once and a while I will still find boxes and envelopes hiding in the back of a closet or tucked between the rafters in the attic containing items from years and years ago, a history of a soon to be forgotten generation. Looking through those items often will bring back memories of a time that now seems so distant and so very different from the world we currently attempt to navigate each day. We were a different generation, still having our own challenges, but most of us who were part of that time are now seeing and feeling a very different place.

   Thinking back, we were a generation that would almost always walk to school each day, regardless if the weather were sunny, raining or snowing and then, at the end of the day, head back home at the end of the day, hoping that Mom had put out a glass of milk and a cookie for an afternoon snack.  

  We were a generation that, after having our snack, would sit down at the kitchen or dining room table and do our homework, so that we could spend the last few minutes of daylight outside, racing up and down the driveway or climbing a favorite tree. And as the sun set, Mom would call out the window telling me that dinner was ready. Being the smart one that I was, that was my clue to come inside.

   Speaking of being outside, one of our favorite games that most of us played was hide and seek. And it was more fun to play it when it got dark. Poor little Kathy. She could never find any of us hiding behind the trees or under the stairs to the porch. She would get so angry that she would stop playing and go inside.

  We were a generation that liked to collect things. I think one of the all-time favorites was marbles. For us, marbles were like a form of money. We would trade them if someone had a color or a size that we did not have. Jars of marbles line the floor in the bedroom. Over time collecting marbles evolved into “playing marbles”, but I admit I cannot remember how the game was played. I think there was a circle drawn on the floor of something like that.

   We were a generation that loved sweets, sugar, a lot of sugar and I think one of the favorites of the time were M and Ms, a little chunk of “real” chocolate covered in a colorful sugar coating with and M stamped on each piece. For me, the really great thing was that the owner of the company, at the time, lived down the street from us, so……..there was never a shortage in the house.

   As I was looking through some boxes I had uncovered pushed to the back of the closet, I came across lots of early photos and a couple of well-worn scrapbooks, picture of the early school days, kids playing on the playground and several other pictures of learning to ride a bike without the training wheels.

   Back in the day, there was no such thing as a computer, a cell phone, and televisions were still too new and provided very little entertainment. I mean, come on, the pictures were in black and white a various shade of gray.. So many days were we were forced to be creative and make our own fun and fine thigs to do. We made our own toys or searched for the nearest mud puddle to make mud pies. We might hunt for frogs in the local pond or go down to the local store to see if the owner would give us a free piece of candy.

   Those of you reading this and are of a similar age know that we are part of a generation the will never return and the only way we can remember it is through memories, sharing our experiences with friends and family and exploring the boxes and folders that contain some of the picture, some of the letters and writing we may have saved and once and a while a dream or two that pops into our head while we sleep.

   But there is a lesson here. A single generation does not last forever and we need to understand that we do not live forever. Over time ideas and beliefs will change as new people take charge. Times change. (Look at the color televisions of 2023.) Life and its experiences change and sometimes it forces us to change. But what we cannot forget are the memories and joys of our lifetime and sometimes it is important to share the spirit we held with those who will come after us.

 

 

Success…

While walking the aisles of a local store, I ran into a discussion amongst several people talking and blocking my pathway to the cookie section. As I inched my way forward it was difficult to not hear the topic to which they were speaking. The topic centered on the discussion of one of the group members and a recent lawsuit that had just been settled and how pleased they were that, with the help of an attorney, they were successful in winning the lawsuit and how additionally happy they were in the final settlement that would give them a little extra money for the upcoming holidays. Wishing to avoid becoming entangled in the discussion I quickly moved my cart past the group and continued my search for the cookie section. I was successful in getting past the group and also finding there were still several packages of my favorite on the shelf. I quickly tossed two packages into my shopping cart and moved on.

   On my ride home I began to think about the discussion I overheard and the word ‘’success,’ which was spoken many times in the discussion and what it actually meant, especially in today’s world. So as I often find myself doing these days, when I arrived home I asked Alexa to give me a modern definition of the word “success.” And her response was what I expected, the positive accomplishment of a goal or task. But looking back on my life and trying to evaluate my personal successes, I considered the idea that there may be a very thin line between what is a success or a failure and perhaps the two are interrelated.

   We have become a society obsessed with success. It could be related to wealth, a happy marriage, a job promotion, getting elected to a high political office, the college in which your child was accepted, or even dipping to a low level of swindling others out of money with a promise to them of receiving riches and big rewards.

   For those of you that read my posts, you know that I am at a stage in life where I am doing some downsizing and cleaning, and recently a book entitled Success. It was a book that was given to those attending a workshop and training session on leadership.  Sometimes timing can be a bit scary. Why did it drop off the shelf now?  Assuming there was a message here for me, I sat down and began to read some of the many quotes and thoughts on success from people who might consider themselves to be successful.

   There were several quotes that got my attention. From Theodore Roosevelt..  “The most important single ingredient in the formula for success is knowing how to get along with people.” Another quote that caught my attention from Euripides. “Along with success comes a reputation for wisdom.”

   As I continued to thumb through the pages of the book, I noticed that many of the comments were attributed to people I had never heard of before or from a time many years prior to our current generations. But regardless of who said it, there were several common themes and messages about being successful.

   One of the recurring themes from many of the statements focused on perfection and all seemed to agree that perfection, as a human being, is extremely hard to achieve. Perfection may be more of a dream than that of reality. Most agreed that we do not need to be perfect to be successful. As Billy Joel, a current and well know name in the book said… “You’re only human, you are supposed to make mistakes.”

   The word ‘failure’ in our current world is one that most people will not use, let alone admit to having failed at something on occasion. Failure is seen by many as a weakness while success is viewed as a strength. But the reality may be that before there is success there may be failures or mistakes along the way and it are those sometimes perceived failures or mistakes that foster and can lead to greater successes.

   Looking back, I will admit that not everything I did or attempted to do was successful. What may be more important for me, though, is that I tried and often just trying opened up many new and exciting experiences and opportunities throughout my lifetime.

The year is 2023. “Success” has, more often than not, become such an important part of life that it causes us to behave in ways past generations would never have understood. Today success, in many ways, is seen more as control and power rather than a personal accomplishment. For me, success is not winning the game but being a team player, contributing to everyone’s feeling of success and accomplishments.

  

  

 

Remembering When….

   This time of the year always brings back memories for me. As the daylight hours get shorter, the temperatures begin to drop and the leaves on the trees change from greens to reds, yellows, and oranges, it was a reminder that summer vacation was almost over and school would be starting soon. But there were other happenings that often became part of the back-to-school routine. One that was always very exciting was the ‘back to school shopping.’ One could not really prepare for a new school year unless there were a few new clothes, and new pair of shoes and maybe even a new winter jacket. Forget about the new notebooks and the pencils and pens. It was about the clothes. And where did we get those new duds? Why it was the local mall. Where else?

   Growing up in the 1950s and 60s was very exciting for many reasons. But one of those moments was almost always the trip to the local shopping mall. In those years, new shopping malls were springing up all over the place. Northern New Jersey was a mass of shopping centers and outlet stores and it was always exciting when the day arrived to hop into the car and begin the search.

   But looking back as I grew older and my friends and I got my driver’s licenses, I discovered it was not the shopping that was the exciting part. It was hanging out with your friends. Shopping malls back then not only had clothing stores, but also food courts and some even had movie theaters. And let’s not forget about the arcades.

   What was an ‘arcade’ you ask? I’ll let you look that one up on a google search. But what I can say is that they were fun, very entertaining, a great way to waste time and money, and often a good place to find a new friend or maybe even a date for that night.

   For many years shopping malls seemed to sprout up everywhere and were provided places to shop and be entertained for the next several generations. Companies came and companies went, but the malls were able to attract new stores and companies and manage to stay alive and busy. As long as there was back to school shopping there was going to be a need.  Shopping malls had become part of the American culture and society.

   But as often happens, things change. And over time, the look of the local mall and what they offered began to change. The need to shop, whether it be a new pair of jeans for school, a new television to replace that old black and white one, or a sofa for the living room did not change. What has changed is how and where we purchase those items today.

   Today, if I were going back to school and needed to pick up a few things, I could look out the window, see the leaves turning color on the trees surrounding my house and then move to the desk or table, fire up my computer and begin to shop. There is no need to get into the car and drive to the closest mall. The truth is the malls around us have pretty much shut down. You might find a store or two still open, but the guarantee is that there will be plenty of places to park the car. These large building complexes are almost empty these days. And the question now is what will happen to those vacant spaces.

   A bit of very limited research revealed that at several location some of the parking lot areas of these now abandon mall buildings are being transformed into housing complexes. But I am quite sure there are folks out there with some new and exciting adventures for the next generations to come.

   This time of year, despite my age, I often find myself “remembering when…..” The sounds and smells of early Fall always seems to trigger some of those distant memories and I may just go out and purchase a new pair of jeans, just to help keep the memory alive. By the way. My new shoes just arrived through the mail from Amazon. 

 

Positive Thoughts Lead to Positive Outcomes

 

   It was my usual early morning coffee. I had not turned on the news yet but began to review some of the latest posts and articles on my cell phone. It did not take me long to begin to sense that this day had the potential to provide some hidden meanings and messages and some ideas and lessons about life in general. Many of the posts and articles seemed to address the many challenges people are facing in today’s world and the need to stay strong and determined to remain positive, for it is that positive attitude that helps us to get through each day and move forward into tomorrow.

   When I logged on to my Facebook page, one of the early entries was a post that had been written several year ago by a new police officer who recently moved to our community to continue her career. And although the original post was about two years old, she had reposted it to share the message that, no matter where or when, it remains important strength and power are key to remaining positive about life, regardless of the struggles we may face.

   The following, with her permission, was what she had posted after a difficult and challenging time.

     “I was speaking with a very wise, very respected, very genuine, long time State Trooper tonight about the past week and a half. He commented how incredible it was to hear me in such an upbeat and positive mood given everything I’ve recently been through. I told him, I have to stay positive! It’s how good things get done. It does nothing for me to be sad. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had several moments like that over the past 10 days. I think I cried 4 times on Tuesday alone! I even choked up when talking to him tonight about how grateful I am to GET the opportunity to go back to the academy, because it has become clear that death could have been a reality.  But think about it…when you’re sad, when you’re dwelling in that negative space, how often does “Nothing go right? Being sad, being miserable. That accomplishes NOTHING! It’s EASY to be sad, it takes ZERO effort to have self-pity. But it takes POWER, it takes STRENGTH to have positivity! That POWER, that STRENGTH is the fuel we use to FIGHT to LIVE! It’s ok, even healthy, to have those moments of sadness, of “I can’t do this”, of “Why me?”. But make sure to turn that “I can’t do this” into “I can do this!”. And turn that “Why me?” into “Because I can handle it, that’s why me!” #choose positivity #strong in mind strong and body #control your mind #dont let it control you. Positive thoughts equal positive outcomes.”

   Each day there are people who must face difficult and trying situations. Some of those people we know, some are our closest friends or even family members and some we will never know. But we may still see the sadness on their faces and the tears and sorrow in their eyes. But whether we know them or not, the message remains the same. Positive thoughts can and do lead to positive outcomes.

   Now those results may not be as we had originally planned or had once hoped. But the truth is that the results may turn out to be far better than one had anticipated. The message in this early post this morning can show the power and strength to move, from “I can’t do this” or “why me” to that of a better understanding of who each of us really is. Positive thoughts can and do lead to positive outcomes.

   Since Erica has moved to town and become part of the local police department, she has assumed several new roles and responsibilities, including becoming the community resource officer. This position puts her in the local schools on a daily basis, providing help, assistance and often comfort to the students as the navigate the challenges and struggles of growing from childhood to becoming an adult and based upon her own personal experiences and the life she has chosen, she has proven to be a great role model of understanding.

  

 

 

Country Roads…Take Me Home

   For those of you not familiar with Maine, you can crisscross the state on numerous country back roads, roads that seem to go from nowhere to nowhere. Sure we have the major highways, at least running north and south. But to experience the true character of Maine one only needs to spend a bit of time touring places like T 16 R14 or Square Lake (T16 R5) to get the real flavor of Maine. I'm not talking about the sweet taste of a freshly cooked lobster or clams direct from the ocean. I am talking about what you do when you are lost and have no idea where in the world you are or how to get home.

   Now before you all suggest that I type my location into my cell phone, I need to remind you that there are still many areas in the back woods of Maine void of cell service and besides, it only works if I remembered to take it off the dining room table and bring it along. And what is that new expression.....'out of cell out of mind!'

   It started out as a beautiful ride on this cool Fall morning. The colorful foliage provided a fantastic contrast to the blue sky and puffy white clouds. A few left turns here and then a couple to the right and I was deep into the Maine woods. As it got closer to lunch time, I decided it was time to head back, but which way was back.

   Here are a couple of facts to remember. There are very few street or road signs in most of the Maine woods. Keeps the state budget down. There are very few houses and not much other traffic. And most important, regardless of which way you turn, everything looks the same...trees, trees, and more trees.

   After driving for a few more miles in what seemed like circles, I was surprised to come upon a very small general store. The sign in the window said 'General Store' for all your local shopping needs.

   Several men stood by the counter, drinking coffee and discussing the local politics and of course, the weather. The lady behind the counter was rearranging the boxes of shotgun shells and neatly folded blaze orange hunting vests. The vests appeared to be the 'one size fits all' model.

   I wanted to act 'cool' and not seem like someone from away so after pouring myself a cup of coffee and grabbing a Ring Ding off the shelf I casually said....

“I spent a bit too much time taking in the beautiful scenery and I am running a bit late. Can you guys give me directions for the quickest way back to the interstate?” I think the word that gave it away was ' interstate.' They knew I was not a local.

   The first to reply simply responded by saying...” turn around and go back the way you came.” That was easier said than done and I confessed I had not really been paying attention.

   The second offered more detail. “Take a left out of the parking lot. Go about three miles to the big oak tree on the corner of the 'ole Warren place. Take the next right. If you pass the dead deah (that's deer for those of you from away) carcass on the side of the road, you've go too far. Turn around and take the next left. Follow that road to the next 'fillin' station.

   At this point the lady behind the counter asked...” Which way ya headin' on the interstate, north or south? There is an easier way to get there 'pending on which way you're going.

   “South'” was my response.

   “Figures,” was her's. “Could tell just by the brand-new boots on your feet. L.L.Bean ?”

   For the next few minutes the three argued as to the best route to send me so I could get to where I was heading.

   The final directions included a turn at the local sand shed, keeping to the right at the twin forks, staying to the left of the old log cabin and keeping an eye out for the horse barn surrounded by the white fence. “When you get there, you're getting close.

   “Need a box of shells?” she asked.

   “Nope. Not this trip.” Like I could find my way back there!

   I “thanked” them for their help, paid for another Ring Ding and started out on the journey. Much to my surprise, within an hour or so I was back on the interstate and heading for home.

   With the advent of the 'Garmin' and the cell phones, provided you are within reach of a signal, the need to be able to ask and be given directions is quickly becoming a dying art, especially if the directions include a bit of the local flavor, whether it be a bit of “down-east' or southern Aroostook county humor.

   And as I got into my car, I could hear the three of them laughing. “He probably has never held a shotgun and doesn't even know what a box of shells is used for!!”

 

 

The Road Home….

   Several times each year we take a few days, pack up the car and get away. That was the case recently, enjoying the quiet and seclusion of the mountains and the calming waves slapping against the rocks on the shore of the lake. And despite a bit of unusual weather for this part of the country, the time away provided a break from the customary daily life and routines. But the week soon ended and it was time to hit the road and return home.

   With the car loaded and after turning in the key to the cabin we headed down the mountain for the trip home.

   The rain had started about an hour before our departure and by the time we pulled out of the driveway, the rain had reached a downpour stage. Cautiously moving down the highway, the windshield wipers struggled to keep up with the pace of the rain to the point where, for a few minutes, it was safter to pull off the roadway and allow the storm to pass. We stopped at Smalls Falls. After about fifteen minutes the rain stopped and the journey continued.

   The trip down the once familiar road seemed a bit different this year and did not reflect what I had once remembered.  There seemed to be more vacant homes and buildings and fewer people out and about. And many of those places along the roadway needed repair and maintenance. And as we approached the several small communities between home and away, they did not exhibit the enthusiasm and activity that I remembered. The past few years have seemed like some challenging times and from my perspective as a Boomer the current state of affairs and life and society we have evolved into is having a very difficult time on, not only my generation, but the younger generations as well.

   Looking back on what I am able to remember today, growing up in the 60’s as a Boomer was filled with it’s own governmental, societal and world challenges. Many of us were born into families whose parents and grandparents had fought in several world wars in defense of democracy and a free society. But little did we know as young adults at the time the society was not as free as we had thought or had been taught and as we lived through the times, we struggled to insure the American freedom we had hoped to achieve. After all, we had been part of several world conflicts ourselves, fighting to make the world a safe place for everyone.

   But even as Boomers, out to make the world a better place to live, we were and to this day still are involved in wars and conflicts around the world, a world where dictators and societies fight to demonstrate their ability to prove that they may one day will rule the planet, where women are still forced to cover themselves from head to toe and may not attend school. We are part of a world where countries and some world leaders continue to threaten those they attempt to control with weapons and other medieval methods like destroying food sources and controlling population growth.

   All of this behavior, the news broadcasts on an hourly basis, the rising cost to put food on the table, put gasoline in your car, or send you children and grandchildren to school is having a real effect upon everyone and our attitudes.

    And as a Boomer, I really do feel that we took some wrong paths down the road as we grew, with a leadership model lacking a strong focus and commitment, a commitment where often more emphasis was placed richness, rewards, and being competitive rather that learning how to grow and work together.

   And if you think that the recent heat and weather conditions are only temporary and will go away in a couple of years, you may want to sit back and listen to Bob Dylan’s “The Times They Are A Changing” song, because they are and right now, it’s going to be even more challenging.

   I worry about the world my children and grandchildren will grow up in as should every Boomer. What will it be like living in a world where the average daily temperature exceeds 100 degrees per day or the waters from the Atlantic Ocean lap at the Ohio state line at high tide.

   Now you are probably grumbling and saying….” What’s wrong with this guy? Has he lost it? He once promised he would not go political in his columns. And what does this have to do with the road home.”

   My point is quite simple. Coming down the mountain and heading home reminded me how quickly things can change. With time and taking an honest look around we allow ourselves to view things a bit differently. As Boomers, we may have made some mistakes, done some things that we would like to take back. But it’s not too late. Many of us are still here, and our life experiences can help navigate a more successful future for those who will follow us and take our place.

 

Once Upon a Time……

 

   As a child, music and books became an important part of my life at a very early age. I remember having a toy piano in my bedroom that I would attempt to play, not knowing anything about musical notes or what each of the piano keys meant.

   As a youngster, I had a large collection of children’s story books. While I had many favorites, the ones that I really enjoyed had one thing in common. They all began with a familiar sentence, “Once upon a time.”

   As I grew older, I learned that most of the books and stories that began with “once upon a time” were called fairy tales and that fairy tales usually had a happy ending. Perhaps that was the reason I enjoyed them so much, because of the happy endings. But I was quick to learn that events in real life were not always fairy tales as I had come to believe and that sometime there were not always happy endings as we were taught in the stories. So, what were the real purposes or messages behind the fairy tales?

   As I grew older, the books and stories I came into contact with had many different meanings and lessons about life. What they offered were a variety of lessons and ways to be successful in an adult world and provide guidance and ways to become the person I wanted to become.

   As I look back, I often remember the many ‘once upon a times’ I have had throughout my journey to where I am today.  Once upon a time I decided to go to college to become a teacher. Another was to learn how to sail on the ocean. I remember the many music lessons I took to play a variety of musical instruments. (Don’t worry, they were not to learn to sing!) And can I say they all provided a happy ending? Maybe for the piano teacher when I decided to learn to play the clarinet.

   The world in which we live these days is very different to the one when those early books were written. I believe that the message attempting to be taught back then was one of learning from past mistakes and lessons in order to move forward. The message of “once upon a time” and learning from previous events, whether they be either success or failures has been replaced. But to be honest, I am not sure what has taken its place, only that is difficult for many to learn from the past.

   Once upon a time we would say ‘thank you’ or’ may I’. We would offer to help someone we saw struggling or we might volunteer in a local community group or activity. We would treat others with a degree of respect, even if we did not know them.

   Once upon a time I could walk down the street and not worry about what might happen along the way. Once upon a time I did not wonder about the type of society or the type of world my children and grandchildren would be part of. Once upon a time I waited anxiously to reach retirement age so that upon reaching that point I could remember the many “once upon a time” and share them with others.

   Irony is a funny thing sometimes and as I prepared to sit down and work on this week’s column I was listening to some music. And the song that was playing was “Teach Your Children Well, sung by Crosby Stills and Nash. And the year of its popularity…1968.

   My hope is that as future generations look back and think about their “once upon a time”, their memories will bring a smile to their face and a sense of personal satisfaction about the journey they have traveled.

  (I do not normally do this, but I would like to add a summary here. I am not sure that the idea of “once upon a time” exists in today’s world.)

 

Pictures

 

Sometimes A Picture Says It All

   I have been writing for a number of years now and have made attempts to say many things and share some of my thoughts about life, it’s meaning, its purpose, an opportunity for looking back, but also about looking forward.  But every once and a while there is a picture that can tell a story better than words and that may have occurred recently for me. 

   It was a very bright, sunny morning and as I walked around the yard with my dog this chilly Spring day, the colors and glow of the crab apple tree, in full bloom in my front yard, caught my attention. The tree has been part of this property for many years, at least 21 years of my time living in this home.

   Some years the tree has blossomed well. Others, not so well. My sense is that its yearly growth has, in some part, been determined by the climate, the proceeding winter and cold weather and maybe the amount or lack of rain. And, as I think about that, it reminds me of my own growth and aging over time. What things in life have made me who I am today?

   A quick question to Alexa on the average life of a crab apple tree informed me that they tend to live for 40 to 60 years and that their success is dependent a great deal on Mother Nature and on the care of its owner. Too many hits with the lawn mower at the roots can cause severe damage and loss of life.

   As I looked at the blossoms and crab apples that have already started to bloom, I can see the places where branches had once been before the storms of rain, snow, and ice over the years but now were gone. Many of the current branches are twisted and turned into strange shapes and angles over the years but were still doing their assigned role and responsibility of proving a place for fresh blossoms and crab apples each year, crab apples that provide food and energy for the wildlife that feed off of them each year.

   As I looked at the tree on this particular day, it reminded me of my journey through life, the bright sunny days, the various storms in life over the years and their effect throughout my life and the many lessons learned. But if I can still have some bright, sunny days that reflects who I am or still strive to become, the picture of the tree will serve as a reminder that sometimes it is more than just ‘500 words’, but about a simple picture.

   

Becoming An Adlult

 

   Becoming an adult can sometimes be hard.

   Walking down the aisle of a local store, it was not difficult to hear some of the discussion taking place between a child and his parent. The conversation was loud, with the mother’s final comment challenging the youngster to act more like an adult. Really? Asking an 11- or 12-year-old to act like an adult? So as is often the case, it caused me to stop and think.

   Pulling out my trusty little cell phone, I looked up the definition of the word ‘adult’ and I was a bit surprised to see the number of different interpretations and meanings. But for the sake of this discussion I will not be addressing the word in the context of “adult animals.”

   Traditionally I think the word “adult” is often viewed as someone growing up, from a child to a full-grown person, an adult, in large part based upon physical size, the final step being to grow in appropriate behavior, knowledge and learning.

   From being a child to becoming an adult can offer some interesting and unique experiences. Just thinking back over my from transition I can remember some great times, but also some challenging times as well, the biggest of times being when the expectation is to act mature, the assumption being that adult mean being mature. Becoming an adult is more that your body become full grown, what ever that may mean. It includes emotional development, the ability to make sound and wise decisions and how you interact with others and sometimes how you interact within yourself at times.

   Someone suggested that you know you have become an adult when you are able to choose the food you eat rather than being told what to eat by your mother or grandmother. And you know you are one step closer to becoming an adult when you move from the backseat of the family car to the front seat.   

   Society, in all of its infinite wisdom, has attempted the set the standards or point in time for entering adulthood, whether it be reaching a certain age, like 18 or maybe 21 or by graduating from school. Dropping out of school after the 8^th grade no longer qualifies for adulthood.

   Becoming an adult may be result of the type of job one olds or could even be determined by the amount of money one has in the bank. These are the risk one runs by allowing society to determine what and when the step from being a child into adulthood takes place.

   Now, if this is sounding a bit sarcastic, let me be honest here. It is intended to be. Reflecting back on the many decades in my life, if I had known then what I know about adult behavior, I might have given it a pass and stayed in the playground at school with my friends, a place where we all got along, sharing our toys and sometimes our feeling. Yes. There would be the occasional disagreement and argument. But we were able to find a solution, even if it meant being sent to the principal’s office and get back to enjoying the friendships.

   But as an adult, the life we live in today is no longer a playground.  I don’t think it was ever intended to be. Perhaps though its intend was to be a place where we learned how to get along together, solve arguments and disagreements and learn to get along and move forward. But all too often  It has become a time of selfishness, dislike and seeking revenge on those who we believe had ‘wronged ‘us.

   Now, I will admit that there have been times in my life when I have probably fallen into this lifestyle and behavior and looking back I am sorry for that behavior and developing that attitude. So what would a real adult do?

   That may be a question for you to answer and our answers may be quite different. We may even disagree. But the lesson I have learned throughout my lifetime is that even though we may have different beliefs and ideas, we can still learn to live and work together and in the process become better at being an adult. And as a better adult we become better role models for future generations.

  As I went through the checkout at the local store the mother and young boy who had been arguing in the candy aisle pulled in line behind me, giving mom an extra minute or two to race back to the candy display and pick up a bag of what appeared to be her son’s favorite candy. And upon her return, he quietly responded with a simple “thanks mom”. One step forward to being an adult?  Could be!

 

  Don’t Laugh At Me…

 

    It had been a busy day. Yes a quick trip to Portland and back, watching a bit of the news for an hour or so and a brief snack and it was just time to “shut down” for a few minutes in a comfortable chair and just relax. And part of that relaxation gets enhanced by asking Alexa to play some music.

   Recently when listening to music I have been going back in time and being a child of the 50s and 60s I have folk music has risen to the top of my list. Whether it be Peter, Paul and Mary or Bob Dylan, as well as a few other names, the hits of the time brings back a lot of memories. And as I listen and sometimes even sing along, if I can remember the words, many of those songs and the verses had a great deal of meaning for me at the time. Who cannot remember “Blowing in the Wind” or “Like a Rolling Stone” and put themselves at some location or at some time in the early days of growing up. Did can honestly claim that at some point they did not have a magic dragon named Puff or search the tool chest to a hammer so that they could hammer in the morning or evening?

   As I sipped on a cool glass of wine and with the melodies of Peter Paul and Mary in the background, there was a song that caught my attention.  Its melody and lyrics were one with which I was not familiar. How could I have missed it years ago?

   After listening to it a second time, I knew I needed to do a bit of research here. How could a piece of music this old and one that I do not ever remember hearing, touch my soul as it did on this day in early January 2023, especially someone my age.

   "Don't Laugh at Me" is a song written by Allen Shamblin and Steve Siskin and recorded by American country music artist Mark Wills. The song was released in July 1998. Since then it has been performed by a number of country and folk song musicians. But as sometimes happens, things and/or events will pop into our lives when we least expect them and share a new message or thought as we navigate life despite how you or old we may be and for me, this is what seems to have happened the other day.

   I asked Alexa to replay the song several times and each time I listened carefully to the words and message. Yes, there were some parts I could really see in my own life, but what was surprising to me was that although written years ago now, the ideas and issues expressed through this song back in the day are still part of the world we live in today. Do we learn from our past, or our mistakes and our experiences?  Do we allow ourselves to really change and grow that much as we strive to be a better person, a better society, or a better world?

   So here are the words of the song written by Allen Shamblin and Steve Siskin and performed by Mark Wills:

   “I’m a little boy with glasses The one they call the geek A little girl who never smiles 'because I've got braces on my teeth. And I know how it feels to cry myself to sleep. I'm that kid on every playground who's always chosen last. A single teenage mother trying' to overcome my past. You don't have to be my friend. Is it too much to ask. Don't laugh at me,

   Don't call me names. Don't get your pleasure from my pain because in God's eyes we're all the same. Someday we'll all have perfect wings. Don't laugh at me.

   I'm the cripple on the corner. You pass me on the street and I wouldn't be out here begging' if I had enough to eat. And don't think I don't notice that our eyes never meet.

    I lost my wife and little boy when someone crossed that yellow line. The day we laid them in the ground is the day I lost my mind. Right now I'm down to holding' this little cardboard sign. So don't laugh at me,

   Don't call me names. Don't get your pleasure from my pain because in God's eyes we're all the same. Someday we'll all have perfect wings.

    Don't laugh at me because I'm fat, I'm thin, I'm short I'm tall. I’m deaf, I'm blind. Hey, Aren't we all? Don’t laugh at me, don't call me names. Don't get your pleasure from my pain’ Because in God's eyes we're all the same. Someday we'll all have perfect wings. Don't laugh at me.”

   I hope that after you read this you won’t laugh at me but simply reflect upon those events and happenings in our lives that make us truly the person we are today.

 

 

To Wander, Meander, or Just Walking

 

   It has been said, well before my time, that life is a journey and that throughout that journey one can and will experience many different things. That journey can take one to many different places, to experience a variety of emotions, meet all kinds of people and on occasion can give one new life, maybe purpose,  and new meaning regardless of age. Perhaps most important, it can give one perspective, the ability to look back and in so doing learn some valuable lessons for life for the future.

   Having reached an age where I have a lot to look back on, I think I have a better understanding of the different stages of life we move through. It begins as a time of exploration as a small child, then a period of experimentation and then transitions into a time of commitment and seriousness about a journey forward.

   But throughout those various parts in the journey of life one may find there are times when you may discover a need to just wander and meander just a bit. You wake up in the morning to a bright sunny day and decide that, instead of a “normal” day (what that may be for you), you decide to go for a walk, just wander around listening to the sounds and enjoying the solitude and peace and quiet it brings. It can be as simple as a walk in the park, the park being the world you have created around yourself during your journey so far.  

   The journey through life can, in some cases, feel like riding on a speeding train, getting off every once ana while, taking a few steps and  then getting back on board only to wait for the next stop, the adventure, the next leg of your journey.

   Perspective is an interesting word and for some reason I have been thinking about it often recently. Perhaps it is because I have become a bit older and I am trying to figure out about the different parts of my life, the different experiences, and why I have become the person that I am today. And perhaps it is because I have come to a new and better understanding that the journey through life never really ends, but only if we allow it. The journey just changes and takes a different direction.

   With getting older the train ride may become slower and the stops at each station may last a bit longer. But the most important part is that if we allow it, the wandering, meandering, and walking can still continue as we reflect on the past and the future. We come to the realization that despite how old we become we can still learn new things. We can still experience new adventures and we are able to enjoy those walks in the park, looking at the pieces of our life we have gathered around us that helped to make us who we are.

   There will always exist the idea of ‘perspective’ and the curiosity of wondering how things would have been different if only I had…….We know how that thought ends. But the idea of gaining a somewhat new perspective of who we are, regardless of where we are in the journey is not to take us backwards, but it can help us continue to move forward and continue to learn and grow.  We may not be able to wander and meander about as quickly as we did when we were younger. But we can still climb aboard the train and continue the journey.  

   I have come to believe that the journey never ends. It just takes a different form. The memories and history never goes away. Pictures hanging in the hallways, scribbled notes on old birthday cards, an old blanket or pair of shoes left under the bed and other pieces of memorabilia can trigger memories and history.

   As I looked out the window on this very cloudy morning I decided that this would be a good day to do some walking and ‘meandering’ around the yard. Speaking of meandering, where did I put that snow shovel? I may need it later today. I don’t want to speed up that train, but it would be nice to get a little taste of the upcoming springtime though.

  

  

 

SPAM Risk

 

   As each days passes, it becomes a bit of a challenge to remember life as a nine- or ten-year-old. I remember the house I grew up in, some of my friends in the neighbor, and playing football in the middle of a traffic circle on a very busy highway.

   But I know there are many things in my lifetime that I have forgotten or just do not want to remember. But once and a while something triggers a memory, often at the most curious of times. One of those times, for some strange reason happened recently and strangely enough, it has to do with food.        

    It was a nice summer afternoon several weeks ago. I was sitting in the backyard watching the birds attack the bird feeder. If my recollection serves me correctly it was a Sunday afternoon around 2:00 PM. The telephone started ringing. And then I heard it, the warning coming from my phone. Spam risk! Sunday afternoon. Spam risk? Come on. Someone must be working very hard in some foreign country somewhere.

   This ‘spam risk’ warning was something I had programmed into my telephone in an attempt to stop receiving those unwanted, or at least warn me about nuisance telephone calls from telemarketers and other annoying people. Well.. I think they are people, but these days it is difficult to say.

   The ones I really have to laugh at are the car maintenance reminders.” Your contract has expired on your car maintenance and for a mere fee of whatever, you can continue to receive this valuable service.” Here is the kicker. I have not owned that car for nearly ten years now. Someone needs to update their records. No. They need to stop these foolish calls and put me on their “do not call” list.

   On an average, I receive about three to five spam calls per day and now they are occurring almost every day. Remember when Sundays were a day of rest, dinner at grandma’s or maybe a trip to the beach?

    And it is not just my house phone anymore. These ‘skilled artists’ are beginning to call my cell phone. Many, if the call does sneak by the hang-up and get to my voice are now in Spanish.  The nice thing about the cell phone, if there is one, is that I can turn off the ring, so it won’t wake me up during my afternoon nap.

   At this point, if you are continuing to read this, you may be asking what this has to do with a memory when I was a nine- or ten-year-old?

   One of my mother’s favorite meals to prepare for dinner or any time for that matter was to fry up some spam. Spam, which still can be found on the shelves of many stores today, is a processed meat that comes in a can. One simply pops the end, slides the contents into a frying pan, heats and eat. And my memory? I did not like it. But it was pretty regular on our dinner plates at my house.

   Now I find it somewhat interesting that these unwanted calls of today are labeled as spam calls and every once and awhile when I hear the phone announce a potential spam call, it reminds me of those dinners that I would try to miss by going to a friend’s house for dinner. In case you have any doubts, it was not one of my favorite meals, just like these nagging telephone calls today.

   I am sure that I am not the only person who receives these obnoxious calls on a regular basis and if anyone has come up with a better solution to stop this attack than the spam risk warning, please share. Perhaps this is an issue that could be addressed by our leaders at the state or federal level. But then, they may not receive such calls and do not know about them.

   So for now, I will continue to be on guard for the ‘spam risk’ warnings on my phone and remind myself that the memories it triggers about some of those dinners of that past, are just that, memories, and will soon be forgotten. (I just can’t believe that spam in the can is still available in local stores.)

 

  

 

 

 The Same Sky…The Same Moon

 

   While reviewing posts on the morning news briefs on my computer, I came across a quote that caught my attention. “Every place on this planet, every living being on the planet… we all live under the same sky and the same moon each and every day.” But the article went on to say that while we all may live under the same sky, we certainly are not all alike.

   It has been very difficult to hear the recent reports each day about the number of people who have died due to the earthquakes, a natural event, and then have the next story about the number of people being killed in a war raging just a few miles up the road, led by a person whose primary goal seems to be the desire to rule the world.

   And then we have another story about hot air balloons moving across the country or a disease that may have been deliberately spread around the world to reduce the number of world inhabitants.

   This story that got my attention this early Saturday morning was about a school district, in Florida, forced to remove a book about Roberto Clemente a famous black baseball play. I wonder if they have removed the books about Adolf Hitler.

   Or perhaps, if they have not been removed already, books about dinosaurs and early life before humans occupied the planet. I’ll check that out the next time I go to the library. But although it is fairly common knowledge that dinosaurs do not exist anymore, there are some humans today who still exhibit some of those early prehistoric traits.

   The same sky, the same moon. Around the world we all see the same thing, but why are we all so different? I often wonder if planet earth is or was the only one of its kind. The universe is huge and tucked away out there in a distance space could be a place where the inhabitants could be experiencing similar struggles. Now, they may not look like us.   But the likelihood is that we will never know as our current time and daily activities are wrapped up in other issues that we are told are so much more important.

   As each day passes, I am more convinced that things are not going to end well for planet earth. As we study the history and struggles of past generations, one thing is very obvious. In most cases the results of those conflicts have not made things better. As a world, we are not able to work together to ensure that the planet will survive for many more centuries to come. It will not end well for anyone.  

   There are some very smart people who live around the world, but we are not able or willing to share thoughts and ideas that could lead to success. Is it because of the color of their skin, that language they speak, whether they are male of female or what they might believe and value? And as a result, there is potentially so much wasted energy and potential knowledge. And instead of building on history, there are those who take history off the shelf, never to be rediscovered again.

   The attempts to unite the world, i.e. the League of Nations and the United Nations, have struggled in their attempts to get nations to work together. These attempts resulted because of wars and military conflicts, a way and attempt to promote peace.  But the battle now facing not only our country but all others around the world is the changes occurring to the planet itself. Healthy air to breathe, safe drinking water, and nutritious foods cannot be gained with guns and bombs. But unfortunately there are still too many under the same sky and the same moon who believe that is the only way save their world.

   Until we are willing to put aside what we think are our differences and find areas upon which to agree, no matter how small or insignificant it may appear, what was once the place we all saw the same sky and same moon  each day may one day become part of a history book we allowed to be taken off the shelf.

  

  

   

 

 I’m Sorry…. Maybe

   I didn’t mean to just take the car. I needed to see my friends for a few minutes and you were busy on the phone. I did not want to interrupt you. I am sure your call was important. I am sorry. I was only gone for a couple of hours and I even put some gas in the car. I didn’t use too much. I’m sorry. I won’t do it again. (Maybe)

   I was going to ask you if I could leave work early today, but I forgot. I went looking for you and someone had said that you had gone out for coffee or something. I didn’t know you had gone to the bathroom. I figured it would be OK. It wasn’t a very busy day and besides, the other two behind the counter are much more efficient than I am. I’m sorry. I won’t do it again without asking you first.

   The decision can often be a difficult one. Do I ask for permission to do something first or just go ahead and do it and then ask for forgiveness. So I decided to do a bit of research and was quite surprised to learn that there is actually some information and studies on the topic.

    Asking permission for something from someone can often be a challenge. One of the more common “arenas” in which asking permission to do something is job related and many times takes place in work. Asking the boss can be a frightening challenge, depending upon the type of relationship you have with your supervisor or boss. And as is often the case, it may involve the type of relationships that exist. If you have a boss that pretty consistently says ‘no’ to ideas or suggestions, the studies show a high rate of just doing it and then “paying the price for the action.”

   Not too many people like to hear the word ‘no’. But studies have found that there are ways to ask for something and instead of getting a flat out ‘no’, there are ways to possibly get a ‘maybe’.

   Like many other situations in life, asking permission or saying that you are sorry for doing something or not doing something has its roots in human relationships. Unless you are a hermit who lives alone in the woods and has no contact with anyone else, much of our life requires that we interact with others. Whether it be at work, at a family holiday celebration or paying for gasoline at the local gas pump, we are put into situations where we have to interact with others.

   Much of how we learn to interact with others begins at an early age at home with family then gets expanded in school and finally becoming an adult in the grownup world. And sometimes that is where the challenges begin. But that is a story for another time.

   The question for today is simple. If something is a good idea, do you just go ahead and do it, even if it might lead to a mistake. In today’s busy and often hectic world often there is not enough time to ask for permission, it just needs to be done, whatever it is.  In a situation like this sometimes it is much easier to apologize after the fact rather than to ask for permission in advance.

    But also remember, forgiveness is important and could lead to an important learning and human relationship skill. Being able to forgive can lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who may have failed to ask for permission first. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting or excusing what was done or making up with the person who took the action. Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you go on with life. It can teach human understanding, a skill often overlooked in these challenging times.

   Are there times when it is actually better to ask for forgiveness than asking permission. Most of the time it is when something minor is being held up in a bureaucratic bottleneck, or when something absolutely needs to get done without delay. But then there are times when……. (you fill in the blank.)

   So, the next time you need to use the family car to track down some friends, want to leave work early or arrive late to your shift at the store, before deciding what to do, consider how or what you will say when either you ask for permission or ask for forgiveness.