Perfect…. Just Perfect

   


   Ten years ago I started writing a column for a small local newspaper. Eventually I became an owner of the paper until a few years ago.
   As I was reviewing the file of previous articles I had written, I came across this one. It caught my attention. Why? Because of the title and the word "perfect". Little did I know ten years ago this word would become one of the most popular words in the current President's limited vocabulary. The perfect this, the perfect that......
   I have tended to stay far away from writing political comments these days. There are enough other people doing that today. But I thought I might just dust this one off and laugh a bit.
   But in keeping with a tradition or two..."have a 'perfect' weekend", even while we are still 6 feet apart.


  

         As I sat down to prepare to write this week, I thought this might be a good time to say ‘thank you’ to those who have been reading my work by writing the perfect column. But before I began, I needed to do a bit of homework, because the word ‘perfect’ is used very frequently and has several different meanings.

          According to Webster’s New World Dictionary, the word perfect means ‘a state of excellence’ or ‘faultlessness’. Completely correct! One only needs to listen to hear the word used with common regularity today. Does that mean that everything is perfect, like the weather?

           We have all hoped at one time or another for the perfect date. Every bride and groom dreams of the perfect wedding. We search endlessly for a restaurant that will serve the perfect meal.

          The coach who wants his team to win the championship encourages his players to play the perfect game or the conductor of the orchestra directs the musician with the wave of the baton to play the perfect concerto.

          Sales people must be taught to use the word ‘perfect’ as many times as possible. “That suit is perfect for you. It matches your eyes.” I don’t want a suit to match my eyes. I want it to fit properly! “Oh. This tie is a perfect match too.” Is it a perfect match to the suit or my eyes?

          Car sales people have the perfect car for you. How do they know? “This new minivan would be perfect for you,” sizing up a soccer mom. Actually, she had her eye on the little red convertible.

         We all want are children to grow up to be perfect. Do perfect parents insure perfect children or is it the other way around? Maybe you have heard someone say, “She is the perfect candidate to run in the election.” What makes her perfect? Maybe she knows the right people!

          We have all heard of the perfect fool or the perfect stranger. How about the perfect novel or movie. We search for the perfect gift for that special (perfect) friend. Chocolate is nice!

          Recently I overheard two friends talking. One was planning a party for her sister and her new boy friend. She wanted to make sure that everything was……you guessed it,  perfect! With that kind of pressure there are bound to be problems.

          I think I have figured out this word ‘perfect’, however. For something to be perfect, it must be measured against a standard of some kind. That standard can be real or it can be imaginary, like the picture in your mind.

          I knew a coach who taught his player to swing a baseball bat with their eyes closed. Picture in your mind the baseball racing toward home plate and just as it crosses the plate, swing the bat, sending the ball over the outfield fence. Basketball coaches often do the same for practicing foul shots.

          So for my friends, I bring this ‘perfect column’ to a conclusion and hope you each have the perfect weekend.

Take the left by the big oak tree and...

   For those of you not familiar with Maine, you can crisscross the state on numerous country back roads, roads that seem to go no where. Sure we have the major highways, at least running north and south. But to experience the true character of Maine one only needs to spend a bit of time touring places like T 16 R14 or Square Lake (T16 R5) to get the real flavor of Maine. I'm not talking about the sweet taste of a freshly cook lobster or clams direct from the ocean. I am talking about what you do when you are lost and have no idea where in the world where you are or how to get home.

   Now before you all suggest that I type my location into my cell phone, I need to remind you that there are still many areas in the back woods of Maine void of cell service and besides, it only works if I remembered to take it off the dining room table and bring it along. And what is that new expression.....'out of cell out of mind!'

   It started out as a beautiful ride on a cool Fall morning. The colorful foliage provided a fantastic contrast to the blue sky and puffy white clouds. A few left turns here and then a couple to the right and I was deep into the Maine woods. As it got closer to lunch time, I decided it was time to head back, but which way was back.

   Here are a couple of facts to remember. There are very few street or road signs in most of the Maine woods. Keeps the state budget down. There are very few houses and not much other traffic. And most important, regardless of which way you turn, everything looks the same...trees, trees and more trees.

   After driving for a few more miles in what seemed like circles, I was surprised to come upon a very small general store. The sign in the window said 'Wilson's General Store' for all you local shopping needs.

   Several men stood by the counter, drinking coffee and discussing the local politics and of course, the weather. The lady behind the counter was rearranging the boxes of shotgun shell and neatly folded blaze orange hunting vests. The vests appeared to be the 'one size fits all' model.

   I wanted to act 'cool' and not seem like someone from away so after pouring myself a cup of coffee and grabbing a Ring Ding off the shelf I casually said....”I spent a bit too much time taking in the beautiful scenery and I am running a bit late. Can you guys give me directions for the quickest way back to the interstate?” I think the word that gave it away was ' interstate.' They knew I was not a local.

   The first to reply simply responded by saying...”turn around and go back the way you came.” That was easier said than done and I confessed I had not really been paying attention.

   The second offered more detail. “Take a left out of the parking lot. Go about three miles to the big oak tree on the corner of the 'ole Warren place. Take the next right. If you pass the dead deah (that's deer for those of you from away) carcass on the side of the road, you've go too far. Turn around and take the next left. Follow that road to the next 'fillin' station.

   At this point the lady behind the counter asked...”Which way ya headin' on the interstate, north or south? There is an easier way to get there 'pending on which way you're going.

   “South'” was my response.

   “Figures,” was her's. “Could tell just by the brand new boots on your feet. L.L.Bean ?”

   For the next few minutes the three argued as to the best route to send me so I could get to where I was heading.

   The final directions included a turn at the local sand shed, keeping to the right at the twin forks, staying to the left of the old log cabin and keeping an eye out for the horse barn surrounded by the white fence. “When you get there, you're getting close.

   “Need a box of shells?” she asked.

   “Nope. Not this trip.” Like I could find my way back there!

   I “thanked” them for their help, paid for another Ring Ding and started out on the journey. Much to my surprise, within the hour or so I was back on the interstate and heading for home.

   With the advent of the 'garmins' and the cell phones, provided you are within reach of a signal, the need to be able to ask and be given directions is quickly becoming a dying art, especially if the directions include a bit of the local flavor, whether it be a bit of “down-east' or southern Aroostook county humor.

   And as I climbed into my car, I could hear the three of them laughing. “He probably has never held a shotgun and doesn't even know what a box of shells is used for!!”