I Am Not Listening…

   The group of six or seven stood by the door. Their discussion had become quite animated after the meeting adjourned. Each seemed to have his or her own opinion about the topics that had just been discussed and as always, each was very willing to share their feelings about what had just taken place. But was everyone in the group listening? Was I listening?

   There is an art, a skill, to knowing if someone is really listening to what someone else is saying. And as usual you can do a search online, or just ask Alexa, to learn what those skills might be. I was a bit surprised to learn that there are actually activities that one can do to practice and improve their skills to convince others that you are listening to what is being said.

   Throughout my lifetime I have attended many, many, too many meetings and small group discussions and my own participation in them has varied depending upon the topic and who may have been talking. Often, even today, I found myself just listening, watching others and observing their reactions to what was being said or maybe what is not being said. In this current timeframe, or generation if you prefer to call it that, human behavior looks very different than in the past when it seemed that people paid more attention to what was happening in order to either gain a better understanding or learn something. Today, in addition to the possibility of more than one discussion taking place at a time, everyone seems to be playing with their cell phones.  One only needs to watch the recent broadcasts of the search for a new Speaker of the House in Congress to gain a clearer understanding of why it is difficult to get things accomplished. Maybe, each should put their cell phones in a locked box before they enter the chamber so they can have a greater focus on the tasks at hand instead of the constant interruptions.   But that is a discussion for another time.

   Like many other issues in today’s world, there are a number of studies taking place to determine if people are really listening to what is being said. Even more interesting are the studies and findings that focus specifically at the moment on whether someone is “involved” and listening to a one-on-one conversation you may be having with someone or are they are just being polite, eagerly waiting to get out of the room. How do we know?

   Whether it is a one-on-one or a group discussion, research has generally focused on two areas, body posture and the eyes. If someone is talking and those who are supposed to be listening are looking out the window, maybe out at the golf course or looking down reading their emails, chances are pretty good their minds may be in another location. But more important than body posture are the eyes and eye contact. And the ability or willingness to maintain eye contact is critical as a signal to know whether someone is listening and paying attention. And what do you do if you sense that someone is not listening? Of course. Ask Alexa! She is loaded with lots of ideas.

   We can come up with all kinds and types of reasons why people don’t always listen. They may have a different opinion or belief about what is being said and know it is better to keep silent. They have their own agenda, different from the current discussion. They may not understand what is being said and are often too afraid to admit in a public setting what they don’t know. They may have other issues and concerns on their mind and or have no interest in what is being discussed. They may just want to be outside on the golf course at that moment in time.

          But there may be a very simple explanation for not listening.  “I am not listening. I am just waiting to talk.” Now would you all stop talking and ‘please’ move out of the way so I can get out the door. “Thank you.”

  

 

Soon To Be Forgotten…

   Every once and a while I will still find boxes and envelopes hiding in the back of a closet or tucked between the rafters in the attic containing items from years and years ago, a history of a soon to be forgotten generation. Looking through those items often will bring back memories of a time that now seems so distant and so very different from the world we currently attempt to navigate each day. We were a different generation, still having our own challenges, but most of us who were part of that time are now seeing and feeling a very different place.

   Thinking back, we were a generation that would almost always walk to school each day, regardless if the weather were sunny, raining or snowing and then, at the end of the day, head back home at the end of the day, hoping that Mom had put out a glass of milk and a cookie for an afternoon snack.  

  We were a generation that, after having our snack, would sit down at the kitchen or dining room table and do our homework, so that we could spend the last few minutes of daylight outside, racing up and down the driveway or climbing a favorite tree. And as the sun set, Mom would call out the window telling me that dinner was ready. Being the smart one that I was, that was my clue to come inside.

   Speaking of being outside, one of our favorite games that most of us played was hide and seek. And it was more fun to play it when it got dark. Poor little Kathy. She could never find any of us hiding behind the trees or under the stairs to the porch. She would get so angry that she would stop playing and go inside.

  We were a generation that liked to collect things. I think one of the all-time favorites was marbles. For us, marbles were like a form of money. We would trade them if someone had a color or a size that we did not have. Jars of marbles line the floor in the bedroom. Over time collecting marbles evolved into “playing marbles”, but I admit I cannot remember how the game was played. I think there was a circle drawn on the floor of something like that.

   We were a generation that loved sweets, sugar, a lot of sugar and I think one of the favorites of the time were M and Ms, a little chunk of “real” chocolate covered in a colorful sugar coating with and M stamped on each piece. For me, the really great thing was that the owner of the company, at the time, lived down the street from us, so……..there was never a shortage in the house.

   As I was looking through some boxes I had uncovered pushed to the back of the closet, I came across lots of early photos and a couple of well-worn scrapbooks, picture of the early school days, kids playing on the playground and several other pictures of learning to ride a bike without the training wheels.

   Back in the day, there was no such thing as a computer, a cell phone, and televisions were still too new and provided very little entertainment. I mean, come on, the pictures were in black and white a various shade of gray.. So many days were we were forced to be creative and make our own fun and fine thigs to do. We made our own toys or searched for the nearest mud puddle to make mud pies. We might hunt for frogs in the local pond or go down to the local store to see if the owner would give us a free piece of candy.

   Those of you reading this and are of a similar age know that we are part of a generation the will never return and the only way we can remember it is through memories, sharing our experiences with friends and family and exploring the boxes and folders that contain some of the picture, some of the letters and writing we may have saved and once and a while a dream or two that pops into our head while we sleep.

   But there is a lesson here. A single generation does not last forever and we need to understand that we do not live forever. Over time ideas and beliefs will change as new people take charge. Times change. (Look at the color televisions of 2023.) Life and its experiences change and sometimes it forces us to change. But what we cannot forget are the memories and joys of our lifetime and sometimes it is important to share the spirit we held with those who will come after us.

 

 

Success…

While walking the aisles of a local store, I ran into a discussion amongst several people talking and blocking my pathway to the cookie section. As I inched my way forward it was difficult to not hear the topic to which they were speaking. The topic centered on the discussion of one of the group members and a recent lawsuit that had just been settled and how pleased they were that, with the help of an attorney, they were successful in winning the lawsuit and how additionally happy they were in the final settlement that would give them a little extra money for the upcoming holidays. Wishing to avoid becoming entangled in the discussion I quickly moved my cart past the group and continued my search for the cookie section. I was successful in getting past the group and also finding there were still several packages of my favorite on the shelf. I quickly tossed two packages into my shopping cart and moved on.

   On my ride home I began to think about the discussion I overheard and the word ‘’success,’ which was spoken many times in the discussion and what it actually meant, especially in today’s world. So as I often find myself doing these days, when I arrived home I asked Alexa to give me a modern definition of the word “success.” And her response was what I expected, the positive accomplishment of a goal or task. But looking back on my life and trying to evaluate my personal successes, I considered the idea that there may be a very thin line between what is a success or a failure and perhaps the two are interrelated.

   We have become a society obsessed with success. It could be related to wealth, a happy marriage, a job promotion, getting elected to a high political office, the college in which your child was accepted, or even dipping to a low level of swindling others out of money with a promise to them of receiving riches and big rewards.

   For those of you that read my posts, you know that I am at a stage in life where I am doing some downsizing and cleaning, and recently a book entitled Success. It was a book that was given to those attending a workshop and training session on leadership.  Sometimes timing can be a bit scary. Why did it drop off the shelf now?  Assuming there was a message here for me, I sat down and began to read some of the many quotes and thoughts on success from people who might consider themselves to be successful.

   There were several quotes that got my attention. From Theodore Roosevelt..  “The most important single ingredient in the formula for success is knowing how to get along with people.” Another quote that caught my attention from Euripides. “Along with success comes a reputation for wisdom.”

   As I continued to thumb through the pages of the book, I noticed that many of the comments were attributed to people I had never heard of before or from a time many years prior to our current generations. But regardless of who said it, there were several common themes and messages about being successful.

   One of the recurring themes from many of the statements focused on perfection and all seemed to agree that perfection, as a human being, is extremely hard to achieve. Perfection may be more of a dream than that of reality. Most agreed that we do not need to be perfect to be successful. As Billy Joel, a current and well know name in the book said… “You’re only human, you are supposed to make mistakes.”

   The word ‘failure’ in our current world is one that most people will not use, let alone admit to having failed at something on occasion. Failure is seen by many as a weakness while success is viewed as a strength. But the reality may be that before there is success there may be failures or mistakes along the way and it are those sometimes perceived failures or mistakes that foster and can lead to greater successes.

   Looking back, I will admit that not everything I did or attempted to do was successful. What may be more important for me, though, is that I tried and often just trying opened up many new and exciting experiences and opportunities throughout my lifetime.

The year is 2023. “Success” has, more often than not, become such an important part of life that it causes us to behave in ways past generations would never have understood. Today success, in many ways, is seen more as control and power rather than a personal accomplishment. For me, success is not winning the game but being a team player, contributing to everyone’s feeling of success and accomplishments.