I Am Not Listening…

   The group of six or seven stood by the door. Their discussion had become quite animated after the meeting adjourned. Each seemed to have his or her own opinion about the topics that had just been discussed and as always, each was very willing to share their feelings about what had just taken place. But was everyone in the group listening? Was I listening?

   There is an art, a skill, to knowing if someone is really listening to what someone else is saying. And as usual you can do a search online, or just ask Alexa, to learn what those skills might be. I was a bit surprised to learn that there are actually activities that one can do to practice and improve their skills to convince others that you are listening to what is being said.

   Throughout my lifetime I have attended many, many, too many meetings and small group discussions and my own participation in them has varied depending upon the topic and who may have been talking. Often, even today, I found myself just listening, watching others and observing their reactions to what was being said or maybe what is not being said. In this current timeframe, or generation if you prefer to call it that, human behavior looks very different than in the past when it seemed that people paid more attention to what was happening in order to either gain a better understanding or learn something. Today, in addition to the possibility of more than one discussion taking place at a time, everyone seems to be playing with their cell phones.  One only needs to watch the recent broadcasts of the search for a new Speaker of the House in Congress to gain a clearer understanding of why it is difficult to get things accomplished. Maybe, each should put their cell phones in a locked box before they enter the chamber so they can have a greater focus on the tasks at hand instead of the constant interruptions.   But that is a discussion for another time.

   Like many other issues in today’s world, there are a number of studies taking place to determine if people are really listening to what is being said. Even more interesting are the studies and findings that focus specifically at the moment on whether someone is “involved” and listening to a one-on-one conversation you may be having with someone or are they are just being polite, eagerly waiting to get out of the room. How do we know?

   Whether it is a one-on-one or a group discussion, research has generally focused on two areas, body posture and the eyes. If someone is talking and those who are supposed to be listening are looking out the window, maybe out at the golf course or looking down reading their emails, chances are pretty good their minds may be in another location. But more important than body posture are the eyes and eye contact. And the ability or willingness to maintain eye contact is critical as a signal to know whether someone is listening and paying attention. And what do you do if you sense that someone is not listening? Of course. Ask Alexa! She is loaded with lots of ideas.

   We can come up with all kinds and types of reasons why people don’t always listen. They may have a different opinion or belief about what is being said and know it is better to keep silent. They have their own agenda, different from the current discussion. They may not understand what is being said and are often too afraid to admit in a public setting what they don’t know. They may have other issues and concerns on their mind and or have no interest in what is being discussed. They may just want to be outside on the golf course at that moment in time.

          But there may be a very simple explanation for not listening.  “I am not listening. I am just waiting to talk.” Now would you all stop talking and ‘please’ move out of the way so I can get out the door. “Thank you.”