I’m Sorry…. Maybe
I didn’t mean to just take the car. I needed
to see my friends for a few minutes and you were busy on the phone. I did not
want to interrupt you. I am sure your call was important. I am sorry. I was
only gone for a couple of hours and I even put some gas in the car. I didn’t
use too much. I’m sorry. I won’t do it again. (Maybe)
I was going to ask you if I could leave work
early today, but I forgot. I went looking for you and someone had said that you
had gone out for coffee or something. I didn’t know you had gone to the
bathroom. I figured it would be OK. It wasn’t a very busy day and besides, the
other two behind the counter are much more efficient than I am. I’m sorry. I
won’t do it again without asking you first.
The decision can often be a difficult one.
Do I ask for permission to do something first or just go ahead and do it and
then ask for forgiveness. So I decided to do a bit of research and was quite
surprised to learn that there is actually some information and studies on the
topic.
Asking permission for something from
someone can often be a challenge. One of the more common “arenas” in which
asking permission to do something is job related and many times takes place in
work. Asking the boss can be a frightening challenge, depending upon the type
of relationship you have with your supervisor or boss. And as is often the
case, it may involve the type of relationships that exist. If you have a boss that
pretty consistently says ‘no’ to ideas or suggestions, the studies show a high
rate of just doing it and then “paying the price for the action.”
Not too many people like to hear the word
‘no’. But studies have found that there are ways to ask for something and instead
of getting a flat out ‘no’, there are ways to possibly get a ‘maybe’.
Like many other situations in life, asking
permission or saying that you are sorry for doing something or not doing
something has its roots in human relationships. Unless you are a hermit who
lives alone in the woods and has no contact with anyone else, much of our life
requires that we interact with others. Whether it be at work, at a family
holiday celebration or paying for gasoline at the local gas pump, we are put
into situations where we have to interact with others.
Much of how we learn to interact with others
begins at an early age at home with family then gets expanded in school and finally
becoming an adult in the grownup world. And sometimes that is where the
challenges begin. But that is a story for another time.
The question for today is simple. If
something is a good idea, do you just go ahead and do it, even if it might lead
to a mistake. In today’s busy and often hectic world often there is not enough
time to ask for permission, it just needs to be done, whatever it is. In a situation like this sometimes it is much
easier to apologize after the fact rather than to ask for permission in advance.
But also
remember, forgiveness is important and could lead to an important learning and
human relationship skill. Being able to forgive can lead to feelings of understanding,
empathy and compassion for the one who may have failed to ask for permission
first. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting or excusing what was done
or making up with the person who took the action. Forgiveness brings a kind
of peace that helps you go on with life. It can teach human understanding, a
skill often overlooked in these challenging times.
Are there times when it is
actually better to ask for forgiveness than asking permission. Most of the time it
is when something minor is being held up in a bureaucratic bottleneck, or when
something absolutely needs to get done without delay. But then there are times when…….
(you fill in the blank.)
So, the next time
you need to use the family car to track down some friends, want to leave work
early or arrive late to your shift at the store, before deciding what to do,
consider how or what you will say when either you ask for permission or ask for
forgiveness.
