I’m Sorry…. Maybe

   I didn’t mean to just take the car. I needed to see my friends for a few minutes and you were busy on the phone. I did not want to interrupt you. I am sure your call was important. I am sorry. I was only gone for a couple of hours and I even put some gas in the car. I didn’t use too much. I’m sorry. I won’t do it again. (Maybe)

   I was going to ask you if I could leave work early today, but I forgot. I went looking for you and someone had said that you had gone out for coffee or something. I didn’t know you had gone to the bathroom. I figured it would be OK. It wasn’t a very busy day and besides, the other two behind the counter are much more efficient than I am. I’m sorry. I won’t do it again without asking you first.

   The decision can often be a difficult one. Do I ask for permission to do something first or just go ahead and do it and then ask for forgiveness. So I decided to do a bit of research and was quite surprised to learn that there is actually some information and studies on the topic.

    Asking permission for something from someone can often be a challenge. One of the more common “arenas” in which asking permission to do something is job related and many times takes place in work. Asking the boss can be a frightening challenge, depending upon the type of relationship you have with your supervisor or boss. And as is often the case, it may involve the type of relationships that exist. If you have a boss that pretty consistently says ‘no’ to ideas or suggestions, the studies show a high rate of just doing it and then “paying the price for the action.”

   Not too many people like to hear the word ‘no’. But studies have found that there are ways to ask for something and instead of getting a flat out ‘no’, there are ways to possibly get a ‘maybe’.

   Like many other situations in life, asking permission or saying that you are sorry for doing something or not doing something has its roots in human relationships. Unless you are a hermit who lives alone in the woods and has no contact with anyone else, much of our life requires that we interact with others. Whether it be at work, at a family holiday celebration or paying for gasoline at the local gas pump, we are put into situations where we have to interact with others.

   Much of how we learn to interact with others begins at an early age at home with family then gets expanded in school and finally becoming an adult in the grownup world. And sometimes that is where the challenges begin. But that is a story for another time.

   The question for today is simple. If something is a good idea, do you just go ahead and do it, even if it might lead to a mistake. In today’s busy and often hectic world often there is not enough time to ask for permission, it just needs to be done, whatever it is.  In a situation like this sometimes it is much easier to apologize after the fact rather than to ask for permission in advance.

    But also remember, forgiveness is important and could lead to an important learning and human relationship skill. Being able to forgive can lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who may have failed to ask for permission first. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting or excusing what was done or making up with the person who took the action. Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you go on with life. It can teach human understanding, a skill often overlooked in these challenging times.

   Are there times when it is actually better to ask for forgiveness than asking permission. Most of the time it is when something minor is being held up in a bureaucratic bottleneck, or when something absolutely needs to get done without delay. But then there are times when……. (you fill in the blank.)

   So, the next time you need to use the family car to track down some friends, want to leave work early or arrive late to your shift at the store, before deciding what to do, consider how or what you will say when either you ask for permission or ask for forgiveness.