A Little Change of Pace This Week

 

   My daughter recently signed me up to write some of my thoughts and ideas about different topics each, that she picks, to eventually become part of a books at some future date. The most recent topic was about “the smells that I like”. Interesting. It did cause me to think a bit and after completing it and sending it off, I decided to use if for one of my columns for the paper. So here we go. 

   When it comes to smells, the nose knows. I have found throughout my lifetime that my nose has proven to be very useful in determining my likes and dislikes and while hearing and eyesight and what I see are important, smell is also an important tool in helping us navigate life.

  In thinking about the smells I like, I can put them in different categories, the first being food. One of my favorites is a freshly baked pumpkin pie. There is nothing like walking into the house and within a few brief seconds know that there will be a wonderful dessert of pumpkin pie and although I can’t smell it yet, I know there is also a fresh container of whipped cream to enhance each bite of pie. Perhaps it is the whipped cream I really like.

   Still in the food category, those summer evenings and the smell of fresh hamburgers on the grill begin to prepare the taste buds for an enjoyable and relaxing evening.

   Moving on from food, I find the smell of freshly cut wood processed with the help of my table saw sets the tone for the project I might be working on. The most fragrant wood I think is pine. But more important, the smell of the wood is the glue that I will be working on for another project around the house.

   As I have gotten older, I am not as interested in all the aftershave lotions and body creams that are available on the shelves of the local stores. But I will admit that every once and a while I will come inside after spending some time outside in a hot and very humid day and splash a bit of smell freshener across my face.

   I think one of my favorite smells, thought, is the smell Mother Nature creates after a brief Spring rain shower. It can be peaceful, calming and somewhat reassuring that I don’t have to go outside and water the garden for at least a few more minutes.

   And last, a walk through the woods with the fresh scent of the tall pine trees and other smells nature has to offer is a good escape from the odors created by the exhausts created by the cars and trucks racing up and down the interstate highway.

   Now there is one smell on my list that might surprise you. It is the smell of the manure being spread on the local fields in preparation for the upcoming growing season. Truth is that it is not the smell I enjoy but knowing that winter is behind us now and summer will soon be here.

 

I Am Not Listening…

   The group of six or seven stood by the door. Their discussion had become quite animated after the meeting adjourned. Each seemed to have his or her own opinion about the topics that had just been discussed and as always, each was very willing to share their feelings about what had just taken place. But was everyone in the group listening? Was I listening?

   There is an art, a skill, to knowing if someone is really listening to what someone else is saying. And as usual you can do a search online, or just ask Alexa, to learn what those skills might be. I was a bit surprised to learn that there are actually activities that one can do to practice and improve their skills to convince others that you are listening to what is being said.

   Throughout my lifetime I have attended many, many, too many meetings and small group discussions and my own participation in them has varied depending upon the topic and who may have been talking. Often, even today, I found myself just listening, watching others and observing their reactions to what was being said or maybe what is not being said. In this current timeframe, or generation if you prefer to call it that, human behavior looks very different than in the past when it seemed that people paid more attention to what was happening in order to either gain a better understanding or learn something. Today, in addition to the possibility of more than one discussion taking place at a time, everyone seems to be playing with their cell phones.  One only needs to watch the recent broadcasts of the search for a new Speaker of the House in Congress to gain a clearer understanding of why it is difficult to get things accomplished. Maybe, each should put their cell phones in a locked box before they enter the chamber so they can have a greater focus on the tasks at hand instead of the constant interruptions.   But that is a discussion for another time.

   Like many other issues in today’s world, there are a number of studies taking place to determine if people are really listening to what is being said. Even more interesting are the studies and findings that focus specifically at the moment on whether someone is “involved” and listening to a one-on-one conversation you may be having with someone or are they are just being polite, eagerly waiting to get out of the room. How do we know?

   Whether it is a one-on-one or a group discussion, research has generally focused on two areas, body posture and the eyes. If someone is talking and those who are supposed to be listening are looking out the window, maybe out at the golf course or looking down reading their emails, chances are pretty good their minds may be in another location. But more important than body posture are the eyes and eye contact. And the ability or willingness to maintain eye contact is critical as a signal to know whether someone is listening and paying attention. And what do you do if you sense that someone is not listening? Of course. Ask Alexa! She is loaded with lots of ideas.

   We can come up with all kinds and types of reasons why people don’t always listen. They may have a different opinion or belief about what is being said and know it is better to keep silent. They have their own agenda, different from the current discussion. They may not understand what is being said and are often too afraid to admit in a public setting what they don’t know. They may have other issues and concerns on their mind and or have no interest in what is being discussed. They may just want to be outside on the golf course at that moment in time.

          But there may be a very simple explanation for not listening.  “I am not listening. I am just waiting to talk.” Now would you all stop talking and ‘please’ move out of the way so I can get out the door. “Thank you.”

  

 

Soon To Be Forgotten…

   Every once and a while I will still find boxes and envelopes hiding in the back of a closet or tucked between the rafters in the attic containing items from years and years ago, a history of a soon to be forgotten generation. Looking through those items often will bring back memories of a time that now seems so distant and so very different from the world we currently attempt to navigate each day. We were a different generation, still having our own challenges, but most of us who were part of that time are now seeing and feeling a very different place.

   Thinking back, we were a generation that would almost always walk to school each day, regardless if the weather were sunny, raining or snowing and then, at the end of the day, head back home at the end of the day, hoping that Mom had put out a glass of milk and a cookie for an afternoon snack.  

  We were a generation that, after having our snack, would sit down at the kitchen or dining room table and do our homework, so that we could spend the last few minutes of daylight outside, racing up and down the driveway or climbing a favorite tree. And as the sun set, Mom would call out the window telling me that dinner was ready. Being the smart one that I was, that was my clue to come inside.

   Speaking of being outside, one of our favorite games that most of us played was hide and seek. And it was more fun to play it when it got dark. Poor little Kathy. She could never find any of us hiding behind the trees or under the stairs to the porch. She would get so angry that she would stop playing and go inside.

  We were a generation that liked to collect things. I think one of the all-time favorites was marbles. For us, marbles were like a form of money. We would trade them if someone had a color or a size that we did not have. Jars of marbles line the floor in the bedroom. Over time collecting marbles evolved into “playing marbles”, but I admit I cannot remember how the game was played. I think there was a circle drawn on the floor of something like that.

   We were a generation that loved sweets, sugar, a lot of sugar and I think one of the favorites of the time were M and Ms, a little chunk of “real” chocolate covered in a colorful sugar coating with and M stamped on each piece. For me, the really great thing was that the owner of the company, at the time, lived down the street from us, so……..there was never a shortage in the house.

   As I was looking through some boxes I had uncovered pushed to the back of the closet, I came across lots of early photos and a couple of well-worn scrapbooks, picture of the early school days, kids playing on the playground and several other pictures of learning to ride a bike without the training wheels.

   Back in the day, there was no such thing as a computer, a cell phone, and televisions were still too new and provided very little entertainment. I mean, come on, the pictures were in black and white a various shade of gray.. So many days were we were forced to be creative and make our own fun and fine thigs to do. We made our own toys or searched for the nearest mud puddle to make mud pies. We might hunt for frogs in the local pond or go down to the local store to see if the owner would give us a free piece of candy.

   Those of you reading this and are of a similar age know that we are part of a generation the will never return and the only way we can remember it is through memories, sharing our experiences with friends and family and exploring the boxes and folders that contain some of the picture, some of the letters and writing we may have saved and once and a while a dream or two that pops into our head while we sleep.

   But there is a lesson here. A single generation does not last forever and we need to understand that we do not live forever. Over time ideas and beliefs will change as new people take charge. Times change. (Look at the color televisions of 2023.) Life and its experiences change and sometimes it forces us to change. But what we cannot forget are the memories and joys of our lifetime and sometimes it is important to share the spirit we held with those who will come after us.

 

 

Success…

While walking the aisles of a local store, I ran into a discussion amongst several people talking and blocking my pathway to the cookie section. As I inched my way forward it was difficult to not hear the topic to which they were speaking. The topic centered on the discussion of one of the group members and a recent lawsuit that had just been settled and how pleased they were that, with the help of an attorney, they were successful in winning the lawsuit and how additionally happy they were in the final settlement that would give them a little extra money for the upcoming holidays. Wishing to avoid becoming entangled in the discussion I quickly moved my cart past the group and continued my search for the cookie section. I was successful in getting past the group and also finding there were still several packages of my favorite on the shelf. I quickly tossed two packages into my shopping cart and moved on.

   On my ride home I began to think about the discussion I overheard and the word ‘’success,’ which was spoken many times in the discussion and what it actually meant, especially in today’s world. So as I often find myself doing these days, when I arrived home I asked Alexa to give me a modern definition of the word “success.” And her response was what I expected, the positive accomplishment of a goal or task. But looking back on my life and trying to evaluate my personal successes, I considered the idea that there may be a very thin line between what is a success or a failure and perhaps the two are interrelated.

   We have become a society obsessed with success. It could be related to wealth, a happy marriage, a job promotion, getting elected to a high political office, the college in which your child was accepted, or even dipping to a low level of swindling others out of money with a promise to them of receiving riches and big rewards.

   For those of you that read my posts, you know that I am at a stage in life where I am doing some downsizing and cleaning, and recently a book entitled Success. It was a book that was given to those attending a workshop and training session on leadership.  Sometimes timing can be a bit scary. Why did it drop off the shelf now?  Assuming there was a message here for me, I sat down and began to read some of the many quotes and thoughts on success from people who might consider themselves to be successful.

   There were several quotes that got my attention. From Theodore Roosevelt..  “The most important single ingredient in the formula for success is knowing how to get along with people.” Another quote that caught my attention from Euripides. “Along with success comes a reputation for wisdom.”

   As I continued to thumb through the pages of the book, I noticed that many of the comments were attributed to people I had never heard of before or from a time many years prior to our current generations. But regardless of who said it, there were several common themes and messages about being successful.

   One of the recurring themes from many of the statements focused on perfection and all seemed to agree that perfection, as a human being, is extremely hard to achieve. Perfection may be more of a dream than that of reality. Most agreed that we do not need to be perfect to be successful. As Billy Joel, a current and well know name in the book said… “You’re only human, you are supposed to make mistakes.”

   The word ‘failure’ in our current world is one that most people will not use, let alone admit to having failed at something on occasion. Failure is seen by many as a weakness while success is viewed as a strength. But the reality may be that before there is success there may be failures or mistakes along the way and it are those sometimes perceived failures or mistakes that foster and can lead to greater successes.

   Looking back, I will admit that not everything I did or attempted to do was successful. What may be more important for me, though, is that I tried and often just trying opened up many new and exciting experiences and opportunities throughout my lifetime.

The year is 2023. “Success” has, more often than not, become such an important part of life that it causes us to behave in ways past generations would never have understood. Today success, in many ways, is seen more as control and power rather than a personal accomplishment. For me, success is not winning the game but being a team player, contributing to everyone’s feeling of success and accomplishments.

  

  

 

Remembering When….

   This time of the year always brings back memories for me. As the daylight hours get shorter, the temperatures begin to drop and the leaves on the trees change from greens to reds, yellows, and oranges, it was a reminder that summer vacation was almost over and school would be starting soon. But there were other happenings that often became part of the back-to-school routine. One that was always very exciting was the ‘back to school shopping.’ One could not really prepare for a new school year unless there were a few new clothes, and new pair of shoes and maybe even a new winter jacket. Forget about the new notebooks and the pencils and pens. It was about the clothes. And where did we get those new duds? Why it was the local mall. Where else?

   Growing up in the 1950s and 60s was very exciting for many reasons. But one of those moments was almost always the trip to the local shopping mall. In those years, new shopping malls were springing up all over the place. Northern New Jersey was a mass of shopping centers and outlet stores and it was always exciting when the day arrived to hop into the car and begin the search.

   But looking back as I grew older and my friends and I got my driver’s licenses, I discovered it was not the shopping that was the exciting part. It was hanging out with your friends. Shopping malls back then not only had clothing stores, but also food courts and some even had movie theaters. And let’s not forget about the arcades.

   What was an ‘arcade’ you ask? I’ll let you look that one up on a google search. But what I can say is that they were fun, very entertaining, a great way to waste time and money, and often a good place to find a new friend or maybe even a date for that night.

   For many years shopping malls seemed to sprout up everywhere and were provided places to shop and be entertained for the next several generations. Companies came and companies went, but the malls were able to attract new stores and companies and manage to stay alive and busy. As long as there was back to school shopping there was going to be a need.  Shopping malls had become part of the American culture and society.

   But as often happens, things change. And over time, the look of the local mall and what they offered began to change. The need to shop, whether it be a new pair of jeans for school, a new television to replace that old black and white one, or a sofa for the living room did not change. What has changed is how and where we purchase those items today.

   Today, if I were going back to school and needed to pick up a few things, I could look out the window, see the leaves turning color on the trees surrounding my house and then move to the desk or table, fire up my computer and begin to shop. There is no need to get into the car and drive to the closest mall. The truth is the malls around us have pretty much shut down. You might find a store or two still open, but the guarantee is that there will be plenty of places to park the car. These large building complexes are almost empty these days. And the question now is what will happen to those vacant spaces.

   A bit of very limited research revealed that at several location some of the parking lot areas of these now abandon mall buildings are being transformed into housing complexes. But I am quite sure there are folks out there with some new and exciting adventures for the next generations to come.

   This time of year, despite my age, I often find myself “remembering when…..” The sounds and smells of early Fall always seems to trigger some of those distant memories and I may just go out and purchase a new pair of jeans, just to help keep the memory alive. By the way. My new shoes just arrived through the mail from Amazon. 

 

Positive Thoughts Lead to Positive Outcomes

 

   It was my usual early morning coffee. I had not turned on the news yet but began to review some of the latest posts and articles on my cell phone. It did not take me long to begin to sense that this day had the potential to provide some hidden meanings and messages and some ideas and lessons about life in general. Many of the posts and articles seemed to address the many challenges people are facing in today’s world and the need to stay strong and determined to remain positive, for it is that positive attitude that helps us to get through each day and move forward into tomorrow.

   When I logged on to my Facebook page, one of the early entries was a post that had been written several year ago by a new police officer who recently moved to our community to continue her career. And although the original post was about two years old, she had reposted it to share the message that, no matter where or when, it remains important strength and power are key to remaining positive about life, regardless of the struggles we may face.

   The following, with her permission, was what she had posted after a difficult and challenging time.

     “I was speaking with a very wise, very respected, very genuine, long time State Trooper tonight about the past week and a half. He commented how incredible it was to hear me in such an upbeat and positive mood given everything I’ve recently been through. I told him, I have to stay positive! It’s how good things get done. It does nothing for me to be sad. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had several moments like that over the past 10 days. I think I cried 4 times on Tuesday alone! I even choked up when talking to him tonight about how grateful I am to GET the opportunity to go back to the academy, because it has become clear that death could have been a reality.  But think about it…when you’re sad, when you’re dwelling in that negative space, how often does “Nothing go right? Being sad, being miserable. That accomplishes NOTHING! It’s EASY to be sad, it takes ZERO effort to have self-pity. But it takes POWER, it takes STRENGTH to have positivity! That POWER, that STRENGTH is the fuel we use to FIGHT to LIVE! It’s ok, even healthy, to have those moments of sadness, of “I can’t do this”, of “Why me?”. But make sure to turn that “I can’t do this” into “I can do this!”. And turn that “Why me?” into “Because I can handle it, that’s why me!” #choose positivity #strong in mind strong and body #control your mind #dont let it control you. Positive thoughts equal positive outcomes.”

   Each day there are people who must face difficult and trying situations. Some of those people we know, some are our closest friends or even family members and some we will never know. But we may still see the sadness on their faces and the tears and sorrow in their eyes. But whether we know them or not, the message remains the same. Positive thoughts can and do lead to positive outcomes.

   Now those results may not be as we had originally planned or had once hoped. But the truth is that the results may turn out to be far better than one had anticipated. The message in this early post this morning can show the power and strength to move, from “I can’t do this” or “why me” to that of a better understanding of who each of us really is. Positive thoughts can and do lead to positive outcomes.

   Since Erica has moved to town and become part of the local police department, she has assumed several new roles and responsibilities, including becoming the community resource officer. This position puts her in the local schools on a daily basis, providing help, assistance and often comfort to the students as the navigate the challenges and struggles of growing from childhood to becoming an adult and based upon her own personal experiences and the life she has chosen, she has proven to be a great role model of understanding.

  

 

 

Country Roads…Take Me Home

   For those of you not familiar with Maine, you can crisscross the state on numerous country back roads, roads that seem to go from nowhere to nowhere. Sure we have the major highways, at least running north and south. But to experience the true character of Maine one only needs to spend a bit of time touring places like T 16 R14 or Square Lake (T16 R5) to get the real flavor of Maine. I'm not talking about the sweet taste of a freshly cooked lobster or clams direct from the ocean. I am talking about what you do when you are lost and have no idea where in the world you are or how to get home.

   Now before you all suggest that I type my location into my cell phone, I need to remind you that there are still many areas in the back woods of Maine void of cell service and besides, it only works if I remembered to take it off the dining room table and bring it along. And what is that new expression.....'out of cell out of mind!'

   It started out as a beautiful ride on this cool Fall morning. The colorful foliage provided a fantastic contrast to the blue sky and puffy white clouds. A few left turns here and then a couple to the right and I was deep into the Maine woods. As it got closer to lunch time, I decided it was time to head back, but which way was back.

   Here are a couple of facts to remember. There are very few street or road signs in most of the Maine woods. Keeps the state budget down. There are very few houses and not much other traffic. And most important, regardless of which way you turn, everything looks the same...trees, trees, and more trees.

   After driving for a few more miles in what seemed like circles, I was surprised to come upon a very small general store. The sign in the window said 'General Store' for all your local shopping needs.

   Several men stood by the counter, drinking coffee and discussing the local politics and of course, the weather. The lady behind the counter was rearranging the boxes of shotgun shells and neatly folded blaze orange hunting vests. The vests appeared to be the 'one size fits all' model.

   I wanted to act 'cool' and not seem like someone from away so after pouring myself a cup of coffee and grabbing a Ring Ding off the shelf I casually said....

“I spent a bit too much time taking in the beautiful scenery and I am running a bit late. Can you guys give me directions for the quickest way back to the interstate?” I think the word that gave it away was ' interstate.' They knew I was not a local.

   The first to reply simply responded by saying...” turn around and go back the way you came.” That was easier said than done and I confessed I had not really been paying attention.

   The second offered more detail. “Take a left out of the parking lot. Go about three miles to the big oak tree on the corner of the 'ole Warren place. Take the next right. If you pass the dead deah (that's deer for those of you from away) carcass on the side of the road, you've go too far. Turn around and take the next left. Follow that road to the next 'fillin' station.

   At this point the lady behind the counter asked...” Which way ya headin' on the interstate, north or south? There is an easier way to get there 'pending on which way you're going.

   “South'” was my response.

   “Figures,” was her's. “Could tell just by the brand-new boots on your feet. L.L.Bean ?”

   For the next few minutes the three argued as to the best route to send me so I could get to where I was heading.

   The final directions included a turn at the local sand shed, keeping to the right at the twin forks, staying to the left of the old log cabin and keeping an eye out for the horse barn surrounded by the white fence. “When you get there, you're getting close.

   “Need a box of shells?” she asked.

   “Nope. Not this trip.” Like I could find my way back there!

   I “thanked” them for their help, paid for another Ring Ding and started out on the journey. Much to my surprise, within an hour or so I was back on the interstate and heading for home.

   With the advent of the 'Garmin' and the cell phones, provided you are within reach of a signal, the need to be able to ask and be given directions is quickly becoming a dying art, especially if the directions include a bit of the local flavor, whether it be a bit of “down-east' or southern Aroostook county humor.

   And as I got into my car, I could hear the three of them laughing. “He probably has never held a shotgun and doesn't even know what a box of shells is used for!!”