I’m Sorry…. Maybe

   I didn’t mean to just take the car. I needed to see my friends for a few minutes and you were busy on the phone. I did not want to interrupt you. I am sure your call was important. I am sorry. I was only gone for a couple of hours and I even put some gas in the car. I didn’t use too much. I’m sorry. I won’t do it again. (Maybe)

   I was going to ask you if I could leave work early today, but I forgot. I went looking for you and someone had said that you had gone out for coffee or something. I didn’t know you had gone to the bathroom. I figured it would be OK. It wasn’t a very busy day and besides, the other two behind the counter are much more efficient than I am. I’m sorry. I won’t do it again without asking you first.

   The decision can often be a difficult one. Do I ask for permission to do something first or just go ahead and do it and then ask for forgiveness. So I decided to do a bit of research and was quite surprised to learn that there is actually some information and studies on the topic.

    Asking permission for something from someone can often be a challenge. One of the more common “arenas” in which asking permission to do something is job related and many times takes place in work. Asking the boss can be a frightening challenge, depending upon the type of relationship you have with your supervisor or boss. And as is often the case, it may involve the type of relationships that exist. If you have a boss that pretty consistently says ‘no’ to ideas or suggestions, the studies show a high rate of just doing it and then “paying the price for the action.”

   Not too many people like to hear the word ‘no’. But studies have found that there are ways to ask for something and instead of getting a flat out ‘no’, there are ways to possibly get a ‘maybe’.

   Like many other situations in life, asking permission or saying that you are sorry for doing something or not doing something has its roots in human relationships. Unless you are a hermit who lives alone in the woods and has no contact with anyone else, much of our life requires that we interact with others. Whether it be at work, at a family holiday celebration or paying for gasoline at the local gas pump, we are put into situations where we have to interact with others.

   Much of how we learn to interact with others begins at an early age at home with family then gets expanded in school and finally becoming an adult in the grownup world. And sometimes that is where the challenges begin. But that is a story for another time.

   The question for today is simple. If something is a good idea, do you just go ahead and do it, even if it might lead to a mistake. In today’s busy and often hectic world often there is not enough time to ask for permission, it just needs to be done, whatever it is.  In a situation like this sometimes it is much easier to apologize after the fact rather than to ask for permission in advance.

    But also remember, forgiveness is important and could lead to an important learning and human relationship skill. Being able to forgive can lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who may have failed to ask for permission first. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting or excusing what was done or making up with the person who took the action. Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you go on with life. It can teach human understanding, a skill often overlooked in these challenging times.

   Are there times when it is actually better to ask for forgiveness than asking permission. Most of the time it is when something minor is being held up in a bureaucratic bottleneck, or when something absolutely needs to get done without delay. But then there are times when……. (you fill in the blank.)

   So, the next time you need to use the family car to track down some friends, want to leave work early or arrive late to your shift at the store, before deciding what to do, consider how or what you will say when either you ask for permission or ask for forgiveness.

 

Coming To An End…

   The year 2022 is rapidly coming to a close. The last few weeks of each year are often filled with a lot of excitement, celebration and family fun. The days and weeks finishing out each year can be very busy and depending upon your personal beliefs and family backgrounds, religious celebrations, and other cultural beliefs they can add to the pleasure and excitement of the time. But with the ending of an old year and the beginning of a new one, there is one additional tradition that has spanned over four thousand years of history. Yes…4000+ I am referring to the making of the New Year’s Resolution.

   From the early days of the Babylonians to this year’s New Year’s Eve parties of 2022, many have and will continue to look back on the past year, identify the successes and failures and come up with a new list of resolutions for the new year. And as this tradition has evolved and changed over the generations from being more religious in nature to more individual and personal in nature, the process has pretty much stayed the same. It begins with a simple question one askes themselves… what mistakes did I make this past year and how can I learn from them?

   On the lighter side of life, a number of those resolutions seem pretty simple. My New Year’s resolution is to lose weight or maybe it’s time throw out some of my old clothes. But on a more serious note perhaps the resolution may have something to do with breaking up with an old boyfriend or girlfriend or getting a new job because your boss is making life a bit too uncomfortable for you.

   Now I will admit that I have not been the most effective in keeping my New Year’s resolutions. If I could get through the first three or four weeks of the new year I might consider it a success, but sometimes old habits are difficult to break. (That would make a great New Year’s resolution)

   Perhaps, after doing a bit of research, I found there may be some steps to take and points to consider to be more successful. First, pick one area or one thing you would like to change and make sure that it is something that, if you work at it, you can achieve. I will never make the NFL.

   The second point to consider is to plan ahead. Don’t wait until the last minute. In addition to putting additional pressure on yourself causing a bit more frustration, there may be some things you want to change but need additional time and preparation.

   Pick a start date. Changes do not need to be made on New Years Day. By picking a start date it gives you time to get your mind in the right place. And in addition to a start date, develop a timeline. Give yourself enough time to meet any unforeseen challenges and be sure to give yourself credit to the small wins along the way.

   One of the better activities to consider when attempting to establish a new year’s resolution is to look back at some of the failures and mistakes from the previous year. Mistakes and failure are not always bad. They can teach us some very important lessons for the future. The important point here is to be sure you learn from those mistakes and avoid making them again.

   So now… the really important question. Should you tell someone what your New Year’s resolution is? That is a difficult question, because if you tell them and you fail…..well you know what I am thinking. But perhaps they can also provide support if needed. On occasion, in the past, I would write my resolution on a sticky note and post it somewhere, generally out of sight of others, but in a place where I could see it on a regular basis to serve as a gentle reminder. And another possibility? Keep a journal.

   As the countdown to 2023 begins, if you are planning to follow the long-term tradition of coming up with a New Year’s resolution for the coming year, remember that as the thousands of other before you did, remind yourself that the goal is to spark a positive change in your life. It doesn’t need to be big. It just needs to bring you some personal satisfaction and a feeling of accomplishment, no matter how small or insignificant the change may be. It’s about you.

   So with this year coming to an end, I wish you all a very happy and wonderful New Year and look forward to 2023.

 

Life Is A Journey…

   It has been said by many, perhaps thousands of people, that life is a journey. Therefore I cannot claim to making this an original thought or idea. Many  before me have espoused this belief. But recently, the concept of life being a journey is taking on a new meaning for me.

   In most cases, life’s journey for many begins at a very early age. Now I know that does not sound profound. We all assume our place on the planet at an early age. But that does not necessarily mean that is when the journey begins. The journey begins when each of use takes personal responsibility for the life we wish to lead.

   It is true that those early days are somewhat controlled and directed by those around us, family, friends, perhaps others with influence. But at some point we decide to venture out on our own and set goals and a direction to begin the journey.

   With a few minutes to waste the other day, I pulled over to the side of the road and walked onto a bridge stretching across Rt 95 and watched as the line of cars and trucks passed beneath me. All were traveling at different speeds, weaving in and out around those who seemed to be slowing them down. Some waved as they glanced up and saw me standing on the bridge, one or two “flipped me the bird,” but most just pushed ahead with their foot on the gas pedal. In one lane of the highway, they were all traveling in the same direction and in the other lane, they were headed in the opposite direction. But my view from the bridge is not necessarily what the journey of life is all about.

   The journey of life is not always the same for everyone. I think we all know that. We only have to look around us to watch and observe others. We begin to understand that there could be some bumpy roads, some unexpected twists and turns, some steep hills to climb and deep valleys to cross and maybe a detour or two.

   After spending a few minutes on the bridge I climbed back into my car and soon joined the others I had been watching, me moving back and forth into the passing lanes in an effort to get to my destination for that day.

   While each day may or may not have a specific destination, as each day passes, we realize yesterday is never to return. What each new day gives us is the preparation for tomorrow and at some point we may begin to understand the journey we have been on. And that journey, for many of us, is based upon the decisions we make each day, with a constant reminder that today is today and tomorrow will become a new today and yesterday is a thing of the past.

   The journeys we set out on are in large part guided and directed by those around us. As a young child, much of life is influenced by family and friends. Parents have goal and dreams for children. Some will follow the dreams of Mom or Dad. But others may branch out and try new things, new directions, new challenges. But life still remains the journey.

   As I sit back, enjoying the music of the 1970s and entertainment being supplied by my Alexa (my new tech toy), I often think about the past, where I have been, what parts of my life have been a success and the parts I would not want to repeat. But then I remember that the journey is not over. While today is today, it is not yesterday anymore, and there is still tomorrow.

   For me, the journey still continues. Each day still offers new opportunities, new thoughts and ideas. Each day still brings new people into my life, new books to read, new places to see and visit and most important, new things to learn.

   I encourage those reading this to consider life, not as a destination, but as a journey, where each day teaches us something new about ourselves in order to help smooth out the bumpy roads, help navigate some of the twists and turns and climb the mountains that may come before us.

  

  

  

  

 

 

 

 

Getting From ‘Point A’ to ’Point B’

    Each morning when I roll out of bed, I place both feet on the floor, grab my bathrobe, pour myself a hot cup of coffee and begin to make my plans for the upcoming day. For many years. those plans mostly focused on getting ready for work. But with retirement, it is a very different kind of planning. For the most part, today’s planning focuses on activities that I prefer to do rather than those I have to do except if it's one of those days when the car needs to have an oil change or more recently, getting ready for winter by having the snow tires put on the car.

   Sometimes there are some things that happen that cause one to pause and think about. Why did that happen? Why now? Is someone trying to send me a message?  Let me give you an example.

    My use of technology has been fairly limited. Let’s just call it old school.  I have a cell phone and a compute and pretty much limit their use to the basic, nothing fancy, use for what were initially designed to do. For example using my computer to write this column.

   But recently we added a new piece of technology to our home. She is called Alexa. And much to our surprise she has added some new and interesting dynamic entertainment to our household.

   For example. When coming downstairs in the morning and preparing the coffee I announce her name and ask her what the weather is going to be for that particular day, what the important news stories were for the last for the past 24 hours and then ask her to play some music for a few minutes. And being the old-fashioned person that I am, I’ll admit, this is pretty cool.

The other morning I asked her to play some songs. And the first song was a song by Bob Dylan. Its title? “The Times They Are A-Changing”. Now let me tell you. That was pretty scary. I snapped my head around to see if anyone else was in the room. Why that song?  Why today? But as I settled in with my hot coffee I began to think about what had happened and was it appropriate for Alexa to remind me just how much the times have changed. (She is pretty smart.) Yes. It was a big step to bring Alexa into the house but in the brief time we have had her, she really has added a lot of entertainment and in some respects made life a bit easier. She is a wealth of knowledge. Now I don’t have to dig out the encyclopedia to look something up. Just ask her a question and you will see how smart she is.

   So what causes us to take risks, to try new things, and hopefully move ahead from Point A to Point B, especially if you are not a risk taker? To be honest, if I had not had the opportunity to spend a bit of time with Alexa, I probably would not have been so anxious to purchase one. But that experience, a ‘Point A’ for me in my daily life, while looking out over the calm waters of Downeast Maine, moved me to point B, trying something new. Not a big deal, but then some things don’t have to be.

   As each day passes, it sometimes becomes more challenging to move ahead, to take that step into the unknown. Today’s world is not what I would have hoped for. The distrust, hate, anger, which is reported each day sets an unfortunate tone for life in 2022. But then the reminder from Alexa and the song from Bob Dylan can encourage each of us to make decisions to move forward from ‘Point A’ to ‘Point B’, to plan a day knowing that maybe at some point there will be a new experience or opportunity that will provide new and exciting adventures. Yes…. the times are changing, but the will always be a ‘Point A’ and ‘Point B’ in our personal lifetimes if we allow for them and are willing to take the risk.

   So…. Alexa…. what shall I have for dinner tonight? Something Greek you say? But I don’t how to cook Greek food. Oh. A new learning experience? I get it. Thank you.

(I was not able to read this aloud as I often do because every time I read her name, she responded with some type of answer. 😊)

 

 

 

 

 

Just Another Trip Around the Sun….

   Those of you who follow my posts may have noticed that I have become somewhat focused on age and growing older. Another trip around the sun means another birthday and the number of trips is beginning to climb a bit.

   I recently had a discussion with someone who asked me my age. I bobbed and weaved for a minute or two but then responded. To my response he said “That’s really great. “You know…. Growing older is a privilege.”

   His response caused me to stop and think for a minute. I guess I had not viewed growing older as a privilege. Sometimes it feels like growing older becomes more of a burden, a burden on yourself, your family and maybe your friends. But as we continued our discussion, I found myself thinking about the many life experiences I had been able to have, the lessons I may or may not have learned and what the passing of time has taught me.

   As I will often do, after my discussion I quickly turned to my computer to do a search for famous quotes on getting older. It was not a surprise as to the number of quotes by famous and not so famous people.

   The one that caught my attention was one by Ingrid Bergman. “Getting older is like climbing a mountain: you get a little out of breath, but the view is much better.” At first glance the quote appears pretty simple and straight forward. Climbing a mountain can get you a little out of breath, something I experienced just a few days ago while walking a hiking trail Downeast. But a brief rest, a few sips of water and the view was wonderful. Clear blue sky, a picturesque view of the ocean and the sounds of the waves helped put things into perspective.

   But to finish Ingrid’s quote…” Getting older is more than just climbing a mountain. It is about the ‘perspective’ you gain about life.”

   For many, life contains a number of hills and valleys and as each day goes by we often become more skilled and able to handle new experiences that confront us. Some of these experiences may be expected or planned. Other may be a surprise. But looking back on how we managed each and what we learned helps us to understand just how important ‘perspective’ may be.

   My parents lived into their early 90s. Not everyone is as fortunate to experience that amount of a lifetime and while the average length of life for society in general has increased over the recent decades, there has, is recent years been somewhat of a minor decline. At least that is what some of the experts are claiming.

   It was interesting to hear some of the discussions my parents would have about life and how in their eyes it had changed. As children of the 1920s their view of the world over time and their perspective about life was very different than many people today. Life’s experiences had changed their views and beliefs about many things and I suspect the same thing is happening to me.

   Like climbing the mountain, the perspective one has about life, about personal values and beliefs changes with as we grow older. But it is not just being old that changes our perspective but the experiences throughout our life that we faced and endured and what we learned from them that make us who we are each day. Learning never stops, unless we allow it to stop and the more we learn the smarter we become. We have a better perspective on those parts of our life that are important, that make us happy, that bring smiles to our faces and things that we can share with others.

   As I begin the next trip around the sun I know that I will not be able to bend over and kneel down in the garden to weed as often as I did in the past and I may have to get someone to help mow the lawn. But I will be remembering the discussion I had and the comment…” Growing older is a privilege”.

 

 

The Real Reason We Are Called Baby Boomers

   Those of us of a certain age, albeit at least in our late sixties and seventies, are part of what has been labeled the Baby Boomer generation. The name is given to those born in the late forties and fifties, a time when soldiers returned home from the wars around the world and began raising families.

   New parents at the time and a generation or two before and during the war (grandparents) were part of a world with strong social and political beliefs, clear cut roles and responsibilities for men and women, and the places in society that were not always welcoming to those of different cultural backgrounds, spoke a different language or were judged by the color of their skin.  One only needed to scan the country at the time to see who would and would not be welcomed to become part of local cultures and communities.

   I need to interject a personal note here. I have been writing this column for a number of years now and have made every attempt to stay as far away from political issues as I could. But as I begin to put these thoughts together after watching the news, that may be a bit more difficult for me with this piece, so if you feel uncomfortable with what I might say, please feel free to stop reading now and return to whatever you were doing.

   Even today I can still remember many of my grandmother’s comments about her changing neighborhood, what seemed to be, from her perspective, a total lack of respect for many local and family traditions and the way life use to be. But the new generation, the Baby Boomers, those born post war, were going to put things on the ‘right’ track. We were going to create a country, a society and a world that was going to make everything the way it should be. A new generation where everyone would be treated equally and with respect.

   It was several months before the 1960 Presidential election. The homework from Civics class was to write an essay entitled…” What If a Catholic President.” Each homework paper was read aloud and the class voted on the one they thought the best. (I was not the winner of the classroom vote) If memory serves me correctly, I believe the country did vote for its first Catholic President and the rest is history. The Baby Boomers had finally spoken.

   Since the Boomers, and before, there have been a number of new generations, each given a name or title that reflected their dreams, goals, and beliefs. But the Baby Boomers have managed to remain a strong influence in today’s world. One only needs to pick up the newspaper or watch the news to see that many of the Boomers, especially those serving in government and leadership positions are attempting to reestablish those once held societal beliefs of a segregated society, the role of women in leadership, and the importance of money as a true measure of character and human value.

   History shows us that each generation will put its mark on society and provides a level of guidance and teaching to the next group that will take its place. Traditionally this has been called leadership with the hope of moving forward and making the country and the world a better place for future generations. But a look at where we are today and the lack of and unwillingness of people to work together may be moving us in a somewhat difficult direction

   What kind of world will be the home of my grandchildren? Are we quickly returning a society that, until now, so many have attempted to make part of a history lesson, part of a learning experience, part of the education for future generations to read about and learn from?

   Have the Baby Boomers of the 50s and early 60’s become nothing more than a lot of loud noise and distraction in an attempt to return us to a life and society many are working to change so that everyone will be treated equally and with respect.

   Each year the Boomer generation becomes fewer and fewer in number. We are getting old. But for those of us who are still part of today’s world I have a suggestion. Take your children and grandchildren aside and show them some of the pictures taken in your life as you grew up. Talk to them about the fun things you did as a child of the 50s and 60s. And more important, maybe, share with them the one thing in that lifetime you would have done differently if you had known. A lesson learned.

  

 

 

  

 Words Have Meaning Too…..

                          (Antonin Scalia)

   This has been a difficult one for me. Most of the time, ideas and thought flow like water. Once and a while they might slow down a bit, but after a fresh cup of coffee and a quick walk around the yard, the ideas come together. And, for those of you that know me to some degree, you know I can have a somewhat weird sense of humor and can usually laugh things off. But several days ago, I received a post forwarded to me by my daughter and I admit I have somewhat struggled with it. 

   Back in the day I was a teacher, a school administrator, an Associate Commission of Education, and taught administrative education classes at several local colleges. I enjoyed teaching and believed very strongly in the importance of a good education. School and learning was important to prepare young people for the new world and to this day I still believe that getting a good education is important.

   Now I am aware that for some going to school and learning was and can be a challenge, but the hope was that at some point they would come to the realization just how important spending time in the classroom could be. And in addition, not only were schools important for learning, but also an important place to make memories. And to this day I still believe that. So where am I going with this?

   Over the years things change and as the school population numbers go up or down, school districts change. For many years now, the student enrollments in many areas have declined and as a result once neighboring school districts have combined to offer meaningful education. In efforts to save money and continue to provide quality education to the students, schools have closed and a quick trip around the State will show a number of closed and shuttered school buildings. And what is to become of those buildings?

   One of the school districts in which I served joined with a neighboring town several years after I moved on to a new position. And as a result, the schools in one town were closed and student attended schools in the neighboring community. The transition took place many years ago now but what was then the local high school before the consolidation has remained vacant since then. But it appears that is about to change and this prompted the Facebook message from my oldest daughter, a graduate of that now vacant high school.

   A group in the area has decided that in preparation for the upcoming Halloween season they would create a haunted attraction and transform a creepy school building into a haunted house and give it a name. And the name? ‘The Halls of Horror.’

   Under somewhat normal circumstances I might just laugh something like this off. But having firsthand knowledge and experience of what took place in those hallways when it was a vibrant and exciting school causes me a bit of sorrow. And knowing that a number of the school’s graduates and family members still live and work in the area, I am having a bit of a problem with this. Words do have meaning. 

   Now I am sure there were students who, for whatever reasons, may have felt on occasion that the halls maybe were a place of horror if a test was failed or a homework assignment was incomplete.  But the key for me here is that words, when used in different contexts, do have meaning and I would sincerely hope that for those who remember the high school days, they do not remember them as halls of horror but with fond memories of a favorite teacher or classmates or an exciting basketball game. 

   I understand the need and desire to make use of this vacant building and I am sure that over time, a new cause or purpose will be discovered for the building. Until then, depending how they are used, remember…. like emotions and memories, words have meaning too. 

   Side note……As quoted by Antonia Scalia “Words have meaning. And their meaning doesn’t change.” What often gives a word new meaning, however, is the context in which a word is used and the person using the word. The lesson here? Choose your words carefully!