Remembering When….

   This time of the year always brings back memories for me. As the daylight hours get shorter, the temperatures begin to drop and the leaves on the trees change from greens to reds, yellows, and oranges, it was a reminder that summer vacation was almost over and school would be starting soon. But there were other happenings that often became part of the back-to-school routine. One that was always very exciting was the ‘back to school shopping.’ One could not really prepare for a new school year unless there were a few new clothes, and new pair of shoes and maybe even a new winter jacket. Forget about the new notebooks and the pencils and pens. It was about the clothes. And where did we get those new duds? Why it was the local mall. Where else?

   Growing up in the 1950s and 60s was very exciting for many reasons. But one of those moments was almost always the trip to the local shopping mall. In those years, new shopping malls were springing up all over the place. Northern New Jersey was a mass of shopping centers and outlet stores and it was always exciting when the day arrived to hop into the car and begin the search.

   But looking back as I grew older and my friends and I got my driver’s licenses, I discovered it was not the shopping that was the exciting part. It was hanging out with your friends. Shopping malls back then not only had clothing stores, but also food courts and some even had movie theaters. And let’s not forget about the arcades.

   What was an ‘arcade’ you ask? I’ll let you look that one up on a google search. But what I can say is that they were fun, very entertaining, a great way to waste time and money, and often a good place to find a new friend or maybe even a date for that night.

   For many years shopping malls seemed to sprout up everywhere and were provided places to shop and be entertained for the next several generations. Companies came and companies went, but the malls were able to attract new stores and companies and manage to stay alive and busy. As long as there was back to school shopping there was going to be a need.  Shopping malls had become part of the American culture and society.

   But as often happens, things change. And over time, the look of the local mall and what they offered began to change. The need to shop, whether it be a new pair of jeans for school, a new television to replace that old black and white one, or a sofa for the living room did not change. What has changed is how and where we purchase those items today.

   Today, if I were going back to school and needed to pick up a few things, I could look out the window, see the leaves turning color on the trees surrounding my house and then move to the desk or table, fire up my computer and begin to shop. There is no need to get into the car and drive to the closest mall. The truth is the malls around us have pretty much shut down. You might find a store or two still open, but the guarantee is that there will be plenty of places to park the car. These large building complexes are almost empty these days. And the question now is what will happen to those vacant spaces.

   A bit of very limited research revealed that at several location some of the parking lot areas of these now abandon mall buildings are being transformed into housing complexes. But I am quite sure there are folks out there with some new and exciting adventures for the next generations to come.

   This time of year, despite my age, I often find myself “remembering when…..” The sounds and smells of early Fall always seems to trigger some of those distant memories and I may just go out and purchase a new pair of jeans, just to help keep the memory alive. By the way. My new shoes just arrived through the mail from Amazon. 

 

Positive Thoughts Lead to Positive Outcomes

 

   It was my usual early morning coffee. I had not turned on the news yet but began to review some of the latest posts and articles on my cell phone. It did not take me long to begin to sense that this day had the potential to provide some hidden meanings and messages and some ideas and lessons about life in general. Many of the posts and articles seemed to address the many challenges people are facing in today’s world and the need to stay strong and determined to remain positive, for it is that positive attitude that helps us to get through each day and move forward into tomorrow.

   When I logged on to my Facebook page, one of the early entries was a post that had been written several year ago by a new police officer who recently moved to our community to continue her career. And although the original post was about two years old, she had reposted it to share the message that, no matter where or when, it remains important strength and power are key to remaining positive about life, regardless of the struggles we may face.

   The following, with her permission, was what she had posted after a difficult and challenging time.

     “I was speaking with a very wise, very respected, very genuine, long time State Trooper tonight about the past week and a half. He commented how incredible it was to hear me in such an upbeat and positive mood given everything I’ve recently been through. I told him, I have to stay positive! It’s how good things get done. It does nothing for me to be sad. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had several moments like that over the past 10 days. I think I cried 4 times on Tuesday alone! I even choked up when talking to him tonight about how grateful I am to GET the opportunity to go back to the academy, because it has become clear that death could have been a reality.  But think about it…when you’re sad, when you’re dwelling in that negative space, how often does “Nothing go right? Being sad, being miserable. That accomplishes NOTHING! It’s EASY to be sad, it takes ZERO effort to have self-pity. But it takes POWER, it takes STRENGTH to have positivity! That POWER, that STRENGTH is the fuel we use to FIGHT to LIVE! It’s ok, even healthy, to have those moments of sadness, of “I can’t do this”, of “Why me?”. But make sure to turn that “I can’t do this” into “I can do this!”. And turn that “Why me?” into “Because I can handle it, that’s why me!” #choose positivity #strong in mind strong and body #control your mind #dont let it control you. Positive thoughts equal positive outcomes.”

   Each day there are people who must face difficult and trying situations. Some of those people we know, some are our closest friends or even family members and some we will never know. But we may still see the sadness on their faces and the tears and sorrow in their eyes. But whether we know them or not, the message remains the same. Positive thoughts can and do lead to positive outcomes.

   Now those results may not be as we had originally planned or had once hoped. But the truth is that the results may turn out to be far better than one had anticipated. The message in this early post this morning can show the power and strength to move, from “I can’t do this” or “why me” to that of a better understanding of who each of us really is. Positive thoughts can and do lead to positive outcomes.

   Since Erica has moved to town and become part of the local police department, she has assumed several new roles and responsibilities, including becoming the community resource officer. This position puts her in the local schools on a daily basis, providing help, assistance and often comfort to the students as the navigate the challenges and struggles of growing from childhood to becoming an adult and based upon her own personal experiences and the life she has chosen, she has proven to be a great role model of understanding.

  

 

 

Country Roads…Take Me Home

   For those of you not familiar with Maine, you can crisscross the state on numerous country back roads, roads that seem to go from nowhere to nowhere. Sure we have the major highways, at least running north and south. But to experience the true character of Maine one only needs to spend a bit of time touring places like T 16 R14 or Square Lake (T16 R5) to get the real flavor of Maine. I'm not talking about the sweet taste of a freshly cooked lobster or clams direct from the ocean. I am talking about what you do when you are lost and have no idea where in the world you are or how to get home.

   Now before you all suggest that I type my location into my cell phone, I need to remind you that there are still many areas in the back woods of Maine void of cell service and besides, it only works if I remembered to take it off the dining room table and bring it along. And what is that new expression.....'out of cell out of mind!'

   It started out as a beautiful ride on this cool Fall morning. The colorful foliage provided a fantastic contrast to the blue sky and puffy white clouds. A few left turns here and then a couple to the right and I was deep into the Maine woods. As it got closer to lunch time, I decided it was time to head back, but which way was back.

   Here are a couple of facts to remember. There are very few street or road signs in most of the Maine woods. Keeps the state budget down. There are very few houses and not much other traffic. And most important, regardless of which way you turn, everything looks the same...trees, trees, and more trees.

   After driving for a few more miles in what seemed like circles, I was surprised to come upon a very small general store. The sign in the window said 'General Store' for all your local shopping needs.

   Several men stood by the counter, drinking coffee and discussing the local politics and of course, the weather. The lady behind the counter was rearranging the boxes of shotgun shells and neatly folded blaze orange hunting vests. The vests appeared to be the 'one size fits all' model.

   I wanted to act 'cool' and not seem like someone from away so after pouring myself a cup of coffee and grabbing a Ring Ding off the shelf I casually said....

“I spent a bit too much time taking in the beautiful scenery and I am running a bit late. Can you guys give me directions for the quickest way back to the interstate?” I think the word that gave it away was ' interstate.' They knew I was not a local.

   The first to reply simply responded by saying...” turn around and go back the way you came.” That was easier said than done and I confessed I had not really been paying attention.

   The second offered more detail. “Take a left out of the parking lot. Go about three miles to the big oak tree on the corner of the 'ole Warren place. Take the next right. If you pass the dead deah (that's deer for those of you from away) carcass on the side of the road, you've go too far. Turn around and take the next left. Follow that road to the next 'fillin' station.

   At this point the lady behind the counter asked...” Which way ya headin' on the interstate, north or south? There is an easier way to get there 'pending on which way you're going.

   “South'” was my response.

   “Figures,” was her's. “Could tell just by the brand-new boots on your feet. L.L.Bean ?”

   For the next few minutes the three argued as to the best route to send me so I could get to where I was heading.

   The final directions included a turn at the local sand shed, keeping to the right at the twin forks, staying to the left of the old log cabin and keeping an eye out for the horse barn surrounded by the white fence. “When you get there, you're getting close.

   “Need a box of shells?” she asked.

   “Nope. Not this trip.” Like I could find my way back there!

   I “thanked” them for their help, paid for another Ring Ding and started out on the journey. Much to my surprise, within an hour or so I was back on the interstate and heading for home.

   With the advent of the 'Garmin' and the cell phones, provided you are within reach of a signal, the need to be able to ask and be given directions is quickly becoming a dying art, especially if the directions include a bit of the local flavor, whether it be a bit of “down-east' or southern Aroostook county humor.

   And as I got into my car, I could hear the three of them laughing. “He probably has never held a shotgun and doesn't even know what a box of shells is used for!!”

 

 

The Road Home….

   Several times each year we take a few days, pack up the car and get away. That was the case recently, enjoying the quiet and seclusion of the mountains and the calming waves slapping against the rocks on the shore of the lake. And despite a bit of unusual weather for this part of the country, the time away provided a break from the customary daily life and routines. But the week soon ended and it was time to hit the road and return home.

   With the car loaded and after turning in the key to the cabin we headed down the mountain for the trip home.

   The rain had started about an hour before our departure and by the time we pulled out of the driveway, the rain had reached a downpour stage. Cautiously moving down the highway, the windshield wipers struggled to keep up with the pace of the rain to the point where, for a few minutes, it was safter to pull off the roadway and allow the storm to pass. We stopped at Smalls Falls. After about fifteen minutes the rain stopped and the journey continued.

   The trip down the once familiar road seemed a bit different this year and did not reflect what I had once remembered.  There seemed to be more vacant homes and buildings and fewer people out and about. And many of those places along the roadway needed repair and maintenance. And as we approached the several small communities between home and away, they did not exhibit the enthusiasm and activity that I remembered. The past few years have seemed like some challenging times and from my perspective as a Boomer the current state of affairs and life and society we have evolved into is having a very difficult time on, not only my generation, but the younger generations as well.

   Looking back on what I am able to remember today, growing up in the 60’s as a Boomer was filled with it’s own governmental, societal and world challenges. Many of us were born into families whose parents and grandparents had fought in several world wars in defense of democracy and a free society. But little did we know as young adults at the time the society was not as free as we had thought or had been taught and as we lived through the times, we struggled to insure the American freedom we had hoped to achieve. After all, we had been part of several world conflicts ourselves, fighting to make the world a safe place for everyone.

   But even as Boomers, out to make the world a better place to live, we were and to this day still are involved in wars and conflicts around the world, a world where dictators and societies fight to demonstrate their ability to prove that they may one day will rule the planet, where women are still forced to cover themselves from head to toe and may not attend school. We are part of a world where countries and some world leaders continue to threaten those they attempt to control with weapons and other medieval methods like destroying food sources and controlling population growth.

   All of this behavior, the news broadcasts on an hourly basis, the rising cost to put food on the table, put gasoline in your car, or send you children and grandchildren to school is having a real effect upon everyone and our attitudes.

    And as a Boomer, I really do feel that we took some wrong paths down the road as we grew, with a leadership model lacking a strong focus and commitment, a commitment where often more emphasis was placed richness, rewards, and being competitive rather that learning how to grow and work together.

   And if you think that the recent heat and weather conditions are only temporary and will go away in a couple of years, you may want to sit back and listen to Bob Dylan’s “The Times They Are A Changing” song, because they are and right now, it’s going to be even more challenging.

   I worry about the world my children and grandchildren will grow up in as should every Boomer. What will it be like living in a world where the average daily temperature exceeds 100 degrees per day or the waters from the Atlantic Ocean lap at the Ohio state line at high tide.

   Now you are probably grumbling and saying….” What’s wrong with this guy? Has he lost it? He once promised he would not go political in his columns. And what does this have to do with the road home.”

   My point is quite simple. Coming down the mountain and heading home reminded me how quickly things can change. With time and taking an honest look around we allow ourselves to view things a bit differently. As Boomers, we may have made some mistakes, done some things that we would like to take back. But it’s not too late. Many of us are still here, and our life experiences can help navigate a more successful future for those who will follow us and take our place.

 

Once Upon a Time……

 

   As a child, music and books became an important part of my life at a very early age. I remember having a toy piano in my bedroom that I would attempt to play, not knowing anything about musical notes or what each of the piano keys meant.

   As a youngster, I had a large collection of children’s story books. While I had many favorites, the ones that I really enjoyed had one thing in common. They all began with a familiar sentence, “Once upon a time.”

   As I grew older, I learned that most of the books and stories that began with “once upon a time” were called fairy tales and that fairy tales usually had a happy ending. Perhaps that was the reason I enjoyed them so much, because of the happy endings. But I was quick to learn that events in real life were not always fairy tales as I had come to believe and that sometime there were not always happy endings as we were taught in the stories. So, what were the real purposes or messages behind the fairy tales?

   As I grew older, the books and stories I came into contact with had many different meanings and lessons about life. What they offered were a variety of lessons and ways to be successful in an adult world and provide guidance and ways to become the person I wanted to become.

   As I look back, I often remember the many ‘once upon a times’ I have had throughout my journey to where I am today.  Once upon a time I decided to go to college to become a teacher. Another was to learn how to sail on the ocean. I remember the many music lessons I took to play a variety of musical instruments. (Don’t worry, they were not to learn to sing!) And can I say they all provided a happy ending? Maybe for the piano teacher when I decided to learn to play the clarinet.

   The world in which we live these days is very different to the one when those early books were written. I believe that the message attempting to be taught back then was one of learning from past mistakes and lessons in order to move forward. The message of “once upon a time” and learning from previous events, whether they be either success or failures has been replaced. But to be honest, I am not sure what has taken its place, only that is difficult for many to learn from the past.

   Once upon a time we would say ‘thank you’ or’ may I’. We would offer to help someone we saw struggling or we might volunteer in a local community group or activity. We would treat others with a degree of respect, even if we did not know them.

   Once upon a time I could walk down the street and not worry about what might happen along the way. Once upon a time I did not wonder about the type of society or the type of world my children and grandchildren would be part of. Once upon a time I waited anxiously to reach retirement age so that upon reaching that point I could remember the many “once upon a time” and share them with others.

   Irony is a funny thing sometimes and as I prepared to sit down and work on this week’s column I was listening to some music. And the song that was playing was “Teach Your Children Well, sung by Crosby Stills and Nash. And the year of its popularity…1968.

   My hope is that as future generations look back and think about their “once upon a time”, their memories will bring a smile to their face and a sense of personal satisfaction about the journey they have traveled.

  (I do not normally do this, but I would like to add a summary here. I am not sure that the idea of “once upon a time” exists in today’s world.)

 

Pictures

 

Sometimes A Picture Says It All

   I have been writing for a number of years now and have made attempts to say many things and share some of my thoughts about life, it’s meaning, its purpose, an opportunity for looking back, but also about looking forward.  But every once and a while there is a picture that can tell a story better than words and that may have occurred recently for me. 

   It was a very bright, sunny morning and as I walked around the yard with my dog this chilly Spring day, the colors and glow of the crab apple tree, in full bloom in my front yard, caught my attention. The tree has been part of this property for many years, at least 21 years of my time living in this home.

   Some years the tree has blossomed well. Others, not so well. My sense is that its yearly growth has, in some part, been determined by the climate, the proceeding winter and cold weather and maybe the amount or lack of rain. And, as I think about that, it reminds me of my own growth and aging over time. What things in life have made me who I am today?

   A quick question to Alexa on the average life of a crab apple tree informed me that they tend to live for 40 to 60 years and that their success is dependent a great deal on Mother Nature and on the care of its owner. Too many hits with the lawn mower at the roots can cause severe damage and loss of life.

   As I looked at the blossoms and crab apples that have already started to bloom, I can see the places where branches had once been before the storms of rain, snow, and ice over the years but now were gone. Many of the current branches are twisted and turned into strange shapes and angles over the years but were still doing their assigned role and responsibility of proving a place for fresh blossoms and crab apples each year, crab apples that provide food and energy for the wildlife that feed off of them each year.

   As I looked at the tree on this particular day, it reminded me of my journey through life, the bright sunny days, the various storms in life over the years and their effect throughout my life and the many lessons learned. But if I can still have some bright, sunny days that reflects who I am or still strive to become, the picture of the tree will serve as a reminder that sometimes it is more than just ‘500 words’, but about a simple picture.

   

Becoming An Adlult

 

   Becoming an adult can sometimes be hard.

   Walking down the aisle of a local store, it was not difficult to hear some of the discussion taking place between a child and his parent. The conversation was loud, with the mother’s final comment challenging the youngster to act more like an adult. Really? Asking an 11- or 12-year-old to act like an adult? So as is often the case, it caused me to stop and think.

   Pulling out my trusty little cell phone, I looked up the definition of the word ‘adult’ and I was a bit surprised to see the number of different interpretations and meanings. But for the sake of this discussion I will not be addressing the word in the context of “adult animals.”

   Traditionally I think the word “adult” is often viewed as someone growing up, from a child to a full-grown person, an adult, in large part based upon physical size, the final step being to grow in appropriate behavior, knowledge and learning.

   From being a child to becoming an adult can offer some interesting and unique experiences. Just thinking back over my from transition I can remember some great times, but also some challenging times as well, the biggest of times being when the expectation is to act mature, the assumption being that adult mean being mature. Becoming an adult is more that your body become full grown, what ever that may mean. It includes emotional development, the ability to make sound and wise decisions and how you interact with others and sometimes how you interact within yourself at times.

   Someone suggested that you know you have become an adult when you are able to choose the food you eat rather than being told what to eat by your mother or grandmother. And you know you are one step closer to becoming an adult when you move from the backseat of the family car to the front seat.   

   Society, in all of its infinite wisdom, has attempted the set the standards or point in time for entering adulthood, whether it be reaching a certain age, like 18 or maybe 21 or by graduating from school. Dropping out of school after the 8^th grade no longer qualifies for adulthood.

   Becoming an adult may be result of the type of job one olds or could even be determined by the amount of money one has in the bank. These are the risk one runs by allowing society to determine what and when the step from being a child into adulthood takes place.

   Now, if this is sounding a bit sarcastic, let me be honest here. It is intended to be. Reflecting back on the many decades in my life, if I had known then what I know about adult behavior, I might have given it a pass and stayed in the playground at school with my friends, a place where we all got along, sharing our toys and sometimes our feeling. Yes. There would be the occasional disagreement and argument. But we were able to find a solution, even if it meant being sent to the principal’s office and get back to enjoying the friendships.

   But as an adult, the life we live in today is no longer a playground.  I don’t think it was ever intended to be. Perhaps though its intend was to be a place where we learned how to get along together, solve arguments and disagreements and learn to get along and move forward. But all too often  It has become a time of selfishness, dislike and seeking revenge on those who we believe had ‘wronged ‘us.

   Now, I will admit that there have been times in my life when I have probably fallen into this lifestyle and behavior and looking back I am sorry for that behavior and developing that attitude. So what would a real adult do?

   That may be a question for you to answer and our answers may be quite different. We may even disagree. But the lesson I have learned throughout my lifetime is that even though we may have different beliefs and ideas, we can still learn to live and work together and in the process become better at being an adult. And as a better adult we become better role models for future generations.

  As I went through the checkout at the local store the mother and young boy who had been arguing in the candy aisle pulled in line behind me, giving mom an extra minute or two to race back to the candy display and pick up a bag of what appeared to be her son’s favorite candy. And upon her return, he quietly responded with a simple “thanks mom”. One step forward to being an adult?  Could be!