The Road Home….

   Several times each year we take a few days, pack up the car and get away. That was the case recently, enjoying the quiet and seclusion of the mountains and the calming waves slapping against the rocks on the shore of the lake. And despite a bit of unusual weather for this part of the country, the time away provided a break from the customary daily life and routines. But the week soon ended and it was time to hit the road and return home.

   With the car loaded and after turning in the key to the cabin we headed down the mountain for the trip home.

   The rain had started about an hour before our departure and by the time we pulled out of the driveway, the rain had reached a downpour stage. Cautiously moving down the highway, the windshield wipers struggled to keep up with the pace of the rain to the point where, for a few minutes, it was safter to pull off the roadway and allow the storm to pass. We stopped at Smalls Falls. After about fifteen minutes the rain stopped and the journey continued.

   The trip down the once familiar road seemed a bit different this year and did not reflect what I had once remembered.  There seemed to be more vacant homes and buildings and fewer people out and about. And many of those places along the roadway needed repair and maintenance. And as we approached the several small communities between home and away, they did not exhibit the enthusiasm and activity that I remembered. The past few years have seemed like some challenging times and from my perspective as a Boomer the current state of affairs and life and society we have evolved into is having a very difficult time on, not only my generation, but the younger generations as well.

   Looking back on what I am able to remember today, growing up in the 60’s as a Boomer was filled with it’s own governmental, societal and world challenges. Many of us were born into families whose parents and grandparents had fought in several world wars in defense of democracy and a free society. But little did we know as young adults at the time the society was not as free as we had thought or had been taught and as we lived through the times, we struggled to insure the American freedom we had hoped to achieve. After all, we had been part of several world conflicts ourselves, fighting to make the world a safe place for everyone.

   But even as Boomers, out to make the world a better place to live, we were and to this day still are involved in wars and conflicts around the world, a world where dictators and societies fight to demonstrate their ability to prove that they may one day will rule the planet, where women are still forced to cover themselves from head to toe and may not attend school. We are part of a world where countries and some world leaders continue to threaten those they attempt to control with weapons and other medieval methods like destroying food sources and controlling population growth.

   All of this behavior, the news broadcasts on an hourly basis, the rising cost to put food on the table, put gasoline in your car, or send you children and grandchildren to school is having a real effect upon everyone and our attitudes.

    And as a Boomer, I really do feel that we took some wrong paths down the road as we grew, with a leadership model lacking a strong focus and commitment, a commitment where often more emphasis was placed richness, rewards, and being competitive rather that learning how to grow and work together.

   And if you think that the recent heat and weather conditions are only temporary and will go away in a couple of years, you may want to sit back and listen to Bob Dylan’s “The Times They Are A Changing” song, because they are and right now, it’s going to be even more challenging.

   I worry about the world my children and grandchildren will grow up in as should every Boomer. What will it be like living in a world where the average daily temperature exceeds 100 degrees per day or the waters from the Atlantic Ocean lap at the Ohio state line at high tide.

   Now you are probably grumbling and saying….” What’s wrong with this guy? Has he lost it? He once promised he would not go political in his columns. And what does this have to do with the road home.”

   My point is quite simple. Coming down the mountain and heading home reminded me how quickly things can change. With time and taking an honest look around we allow ourselves to view things a bit differently. As Boomers, we may have made some mistakes, done some things that we would like to take back. But it’s not too late. Many of us are still here, and our life experiences can help navigate a more successful future for those who will follow us and take our place.

 

Once Upon a Time……

 

   As a child, music and books became an important part of my life at a very early age. I remember having a toy piano in my bedroom that I would attempt to play, not knowing anything about musical notes or what each of the piano keys meant.

   As a youngster, I had a large collection of children’s story books. While I had many favorites, the ones that I really enjoyed had one thing in common. They all began with a familiar sentence, “Once upon a time.”

   As I grew older, I learned that most of the books and stories that began with “once upon a time” were called fairy tales and that fairy tales usually had a happy ending. Perhaps that was the reason I enjoyed them so much, because of the happy endings. But I was quick to learn that events in real life were not always fairy tales as I had come to believe and that sometime there were not always happy endings as we were taught in the stories. So, what were the real purposes or messages behind the fairy tales?

   As I grew older, the books and stories I came into contact with had many different meanings and lessons about life. What they offered were a variety of lessons and ways to be successful in an adult world and provide guidance and ways to become the person I wanted to become.

   As I look back, I often remember the many ‘once upon a times’ I have had throughout my journey to where I am today.  Once upon a time I decided to go to college to become a teacher. Another was to learn how to sail on the ocean. I remember the many music lessons I took to play a variety of musical instruments. (Don’t worry, they were not to learn to sing!) And can I say they all provided a happy ending? Maybe for the piano teacher when I decided to learn to play the clarinet.

   The world in which we live these days is very different to the one when those early books were written. I believe that the message attempting to be taught back then was one of learning from past mistakes and lessons in order to move forward. The message of “once upon a time” and learning from previous events, whether they be either success or failures has been replaced. But to be honest, I am not sure what has taken its place, only that is difficult for many to learn from the past.

   Once upon a time we would say ‘thank you’ or’ may I’. We would offer to help someone we saw struggling or we might volunteer in a local community group or activity. We would treat others with a degree of respect, even if we did not know them.

   Once upon a time I could walk down the street and not worry about what might happen along the way. Once upon a time I did not wonder about the type of society or the type of world my children and grandchildren would be part of. Once upon a time I waited anxiously to reach retirement age so that upon reaching that point I could remember the many “once upon a time” and share them with others.

   Irony is a funny thing sometimes and as I prepared to sit down and work on this week’s column I was listening to some music. And the song that was playing was “Teach Your Children Well, sung by Crosby Stills and Nash. And the year of its popularity…1968.

   My hope is that as future generations look back and think about their “once upon a time”, their memories will bring a smile to their face and a sense of personal satisfaction about the journey they have traveled.

  (I do not normally do this, but I would like to add a summary here. I am not sure that the idea of “once upon a time” exists in today’s world.)

 

Pictures

 

Sometimes A Picture Says It All

   I have been writing for a number of years now and have made attempts to say many things and share some of my thoughts about life, it’s meaning, its purpose, an opportunity for looking back, but also about looking forward.  But every once and a while there is a picture that can tell a story better than words and that may have occurred recently for me. 

   It was a very bright, sunny morning and as I walked around the yard with my dog this chilly Spring day, the colors and glow of the crab apple tree, in full bloom in my front yard, caught my attention. The tree has been part of this property for many years, at least 21 years of my time living in this home.

   Some years the tree has blossomed well. Others, not so well. My sense is that its yearly growth has, in some part, been determined by the climate, the proceeding winter and cold weather and maybe the amount or lack of rain. And, as I think about that, it reminds me of my own growth and aging over time. What things in life have made me who I am today?

   A quick question to Alexa on the average life of a crab apple tree informed me that they tend to live for 40 to 60 years and that their success is dependent a great deal on Mother Nature and on the care of its owner. Too many hits with the lawn mower at the roots can cause severe damage and loss of life.

   As I looked at the blossoms and crab apples that have already started to bloom, I can see the places where branches had once been before the storms of rain, snow, and ice over the years but now were gone. Many of the current branches are twisted and turned into strange shapes and angles over the years but were still doing their assigned role and responsibility of proving a place for fresh blossoms and crab apples each year, crab apples that provide food and energy for the wildlife that feed off of them each year.

   As I looked at the tree on this particular day, it reminded me of my journey through life, the bright sunny days, the various storms in life over the years and their effect throughout my life and the many lessons learned. But if I can still have some bright, sunny days that reflects who I am or still strive to become, the picture of the tree will serve as a reminder that sometimes it is more than just ‘500 words’, but about a simple picture.

   

Becoming An Adlult

 

   Becoming an adult can sometimes be hard.

   Walking down the aisle of a local store, it was not difficult to hear some of the discussion taking place between a child and his parent. The conversation was loud, with the mother’s final comment challenging the youngster to act more like an adult. Really? Asking an 11- or 12-year-old to act like an adult? So as is often the case, it caused me to stop and think.

   Pulling out my trusty little cell phone, I looked up the definition of the word ‘adult’ and I was a bit surprised to see the number of different interpretations and meanings. But for the sake of this discussion I will not be addressing the word in the context of “adult animals.”

   Traditionally I think the word “adult” is often viewed as someone growing up, from a child to a full-grown person, an adult, in large part based upon physical size, the final step being to grow in appropriate behavior, knowledge and learning.

   From being a child to becoming an adult can offer some interesting and unique experiences. Just thinking back over my from transition I can remember some great times, but also some challenging times as well, the biggest of times being when the expectation is to act mature, the assumption being that adult mean being mature. Becoming an adult is more that your body become full grown, what ever that may mean. It includes emotional development, the ability to make sound and wise decisions and how you interact with others and sometimes how you interact within yourself at times.

   Someone suggested that you know you have become an adult when you are able to choose the food you eat rather than being told what to eat by your mother or grandmother. And you know you are one step closer to becoming an adult when you move from the backseat of the family car to the front seat.   

   Society, in all of its infinite wisdom, has attempted the set the standards or point in time for entering adulthood, whether it be reaching a certain age, like 18 or maybe 21 or by graduating from school. Dropping out of school after the 8^th grade no longer qualifies for adulthood.

   Becoming an adult may be result of the type of job one olds or could even be determined by the amount of money one has in the bank. These are the risk one runs by allowing society to determine what and when the step from being a child into adulthood takes place.

   Now, if this is sounding a bit sarcastic, let me be honest here. It is intended to be. Reflecting back on the many decades in my life, if I had known then what I know about adult behavior, I might have given it a pass and stayed in the playground at school with my friends, a place where we all got along, sharing our toys and sometimes our feeling. Yes. There would be the occasional disagreement and argument. But we were able to find a solution, even if it meant being sent to the principal’s office and get back to enjoying the friendships.

   But as an adult, the life we live in today is no longer a playground.  I don’t think it was ever intended to be. Perhaps though its intend was to be a place where we learned how to get along together, solve arguments and disagreements and learn to get along and move forward. But all too often  It has become a time of selfishness, dislike and seeking revenge on those who we believe had ‘wronged ‘us.

   Now, I will admit that there have been times in my life when I have probably fallen into this lifestyle and behavior and looking back I am sorry for that behavior and developing that attitude. So what would a real adult do?

   That may be a question for you to answer and our answers may be quite different. We may even disagree. But the lesson I have learned throughout my lifetime is that even though we may have different beliefs and ideas, we can still learn to live and work together and in the process become better at being an adult. And as a better adult we become better role models for future generations.

  As I went through the checkout at the local store the mother and young boy who had been arguing in the candy aisle pulled in line behind me, giving mom an extra minute or two to race back to the candy display and pick up a bag of what appeared to be her son’s favorite candy. And upon her return, he quietly responded with a simple “thanks mom”. One step forward to being an adult?  Could be!

 

  Don’t Laugh At Me…

 

    It had been a busy day. Yes a quick trip to Portland and back, watching a bit of the news for an hour or so and a brief snack and it was just time to “shut down” for a few minutes in a comfortable chair and just relax. And part of that relaxation gets enhanced by asking Alexa to play some music.

   Recently when listening to music I have been going back in time and being a child of the 50s and 60s I have folk music has risen to the top of my list. Whether it be Peter, Paul and Mary or Bob Dylan, as well as a few other names, the hits of the time brings back a lot of memories. And as I listen and sometimes even sing along, if I can remember the words, many of those songs and the verses had a great deal of meaning for me at the time. Who cannot remember “Blowing in the Wind” or “Like a Rolling Stone” and put themselves at some location or at some time in the early days of growing up. Did can honestly claim that at some point they did not have a magic dragon named Puff or search the tool chest to a hammer so that they could hammer in the morning or evening?

   As I sipped on a cool glass of wine and with the melodies of Peter Paul and Mary in the background, there was a song that caught my attention.  Its melody and lyrics were one with which I was not familiar. How could I have missed it years ago?

   After listening to it a second time, I knew I needed to do a bit of research here. How could a piece of music this old and one that I do not ever remember hearing, touch my soul as it did on this day in early January 2023, especially someone my age.

   "Don't Laugh at Me" is a song written by Allen Shamblin and Steve Siskin and recorded by American country music artist Mark Wills. The song was released in July 1998. Since then it has been performed by a number of country and folk song musicians. But as sometimes happens, things and/or events will pop into our lives when we least expect them and share a new message or thought as we navigate life despite how you or old we may be and for me, this is what seems to have happened the other day.

   I asked Alexa to replay the song several times and each time I listened carefully to the words and message. Yes, there were some parts I could really see in my own life, but what was surprising to me was that although written years ago now, the ideas and issues expressed through this song back in the day are still part of the world we live in today. Do we learn from our past, or our mistakes and our experiences?  Do we allow ourselves to really change and grow that much as we strive to be a better person, a better society, or a better world?

   So here are the words of the song written by Allen Shamblin and Steve Siskin and performed by Mark Wills:

   “I’m a little boy with glasses The one they call the geek A little girl who never smiles 'because I've got braces on my teeth. And I know how it feels to cry myself to sleep. I'm that kid on every playground who's always chosen last. A single teenage mother trying' to overcome my past. You don't have to be my friend. Is it too much to ask. Don't laugh at me,

   Don't call me names. Don't get your pleasure from my pain because in God's eyes we're all the same. Someday we'll all have perfect wings. Don't laugh at me.

   I'm the cripple on the corner. You pass me on the street and I wouldn't be out here begging' if I had enough to eat. And don't think I don't notice that our eyes never meet.

    I lost my wife and little boy when someone crossed that yellow line. The day we laid them in the ground is the day I lost my mind. Right now I'm down to holding' this little cardboard sign. So don't laugh at me,

   Don't call me names. Don't get your pleasure from my pain because in God's eyes we're all the same. Someday we'll all have perfect wings.

    Don't laugh at me because I'm fat, I'm thin, I'm short I'm tall. I’m deaf, I'm blind. Hey, Aren't we all? Don’t laugh at me, don't call me names. Don't get your pleasure from my pain’ Because in God's eyes we're all the same. Someday we'll all have perfect wings. Don't laugh at me.”

   I hope that after you read this you won’t laugh at me but simply reflect upon those events and happenings in our lives that make us truly the person we are today.

 

 

To Wander, Meander, or Just Walking

 

   It has been said, well before my time, that life is a journey and that throughout that journey one can and will experience many different things. That journey can take one to many different places, to experience a variety of emotions, meet all kinds of people and on occasion can give one new life, maybe purpose,  and new meaning regardless of age. Perhaps most important, it can give one perspective, the ability to look back and in so doing learn some valuable lessons for life for the future.

   Having reached an age where I have a lot to look back on, I think I have a better understanding of the different stages of life we move through. It begins as a time of exploration as a small child, then a period of experimentation and then transitions into a time of commitment and seriousness about a journey forward.

   But throughout those various parts in the journey of life one may find there are times when you may discover a need to just wander and meander just a bit. You wake up in the morning to a bright sunny day and decide that, instead of a “normal” day (what that may be for you), you decide to go for a walk, just wander around listening to the sounds and enjoying the solitude and peace and quiet it brings. It can be as simple as a walk in the park, the park being the world you have created around yourself during your journey so far.  

   The journey through life can, in some cases, feel like riding on a speeding train, getting off every once ana while, taking a few steps and  then getting back on board only to wait for the next stop, the adventure, the next leg of your journey.

   Perspective is an interesting word and for some reason I have been thinking about it often recently. Perhaps it is because I have become a bit older and I am trying to figure out about the different parts of my life, the different experiences, and why I have become the person that I am today. And perhaps it is because I have come to a new and better understanding that the journey through life never really ends, but only if we allow it. The journey just changes and takes a different direction.

   With getting older the train ride may become slower and the stops at each station may last a bit longer. But the most important part is that if we allow it, the wandering, meandering, and walking can still continue as we reflect on the past and the future. We come to the realization that despite how old we become we can still learn new things. We can still experience new adventures and we are able to enjoy those walks in the park, looking at the pieces of our life we have gathered around us that helped to make us who we are.

   There will always exist the idea of ‘perspective’ and the curiosity of wondering how things would have been different if only I had…….We know how that thought ends. But the idea of gaining a somewhat new perspective of who we are, regardless of where we are in the journey is not to take us backwards, but it can help us continue to move forward and continue to learn and grow.  We may not be able to wander and meander about as quickly as we did when we were younger. But we can still climb aboard the train and continue the journey.  

   I have come to believe that the journey never ends. It just takes a different form. The memories and history never goes away. Pictures hanging in the hallways, scribbled notes on old birthday cards, an old blanket or pair of shoes left under the bed and other pieces of memorabilia can trigger memories and history.

   As I looked out the window on this very cloudy morning I decided that this would be a good day to do some walking and ‘meandering’ around the yard. Speaking of meandering, where did I put that snow shovel? I may need it later today. I don’t want to speed up that train, but it would be nice to get a little taste of the upcoming springtime though.

  

  

 

SPAM Risk

 

   As each days passes, it becomes a bit of a challenge to remember life as a nine- or ten-year-old. I remember the house I grew up in, some of my friends in the neighbor, and playing football in the middle of a traffic circle on a very busy highway.

   But I know there are many things in my lifetime that I have forgotten or just do not want to remember. But once and a while something triggers a memory, often at the most curious of times. One of those times, for some strange reason happened recently and strangely enough, it has to do with food.        

    It was a nice summer afternoon several weeks ago. I was sitting in the backyard watching the birds attack the bird feeder. If my recollection serves me correctly it was a Sunday afternoon around 2:00 PM. The telephone started ringing. And then I heard it, the warning coming from my phone. Spam risk! Sunday afternoon. Spam risk? Come on. Someone must be working very hard in some foreign country somewhere.

   This ‘spam risk’ warning was something I had programmed into my telephone in an attempt to stop receiving those unwanted, or at least warn me about nuisance telephone calls from telemarketers and other annoying people. Well.. I think they are people, but these days it is difficult to say.

   The ones I really have to laugh at are the car maintenance reminders.” Your contract has expired on your car maintenance and for a mere fee of whatever, you can continue to receive this valuable service.” Here is the kicker. I have not owned that car for nearly ten years now. Someone needs to update their records. No. They need to stop these foolish calls and put me on their “do not call” list.

   On an average, I receive about three to five spam calls per day and now they are occurring almost every day. Remember when Sundays were a day of rest, dinner at grandma’s or maybe a trip to the beach?

    And it is not just my house phone anymore. These ‘skilled artists’ are beginning to call my cell phone. Many, if the call does sneak by the hang-up and get to my voice are now in Spanish.  The nice thing about the cell phone, if there is one, is that I can turn off the ring, so it won’t wake me up during my afternoon nap.

   At this point, if you are continuing to read this, you may be asking what this has to do with a memory when I was a nine- or ten-year-old?

   One of my mother’s favorite meals to prepare for dinner or any time for that matter was to fry up some spam. Spam, which still can be found on the shelves of many stores today, is a processed meat that comes in a can. One simply pops the end, slides the contents into a frying pan, heats and eat. And my memory? I did not like it. But it was pretty regular on our dinner plates at my house.

   Now I find it somewhat interesting that these unwanted calls of today are labeled as spam calls and every once and awhile when I hear the phone announce a potential spam call, it reminds me of those dinners that I would try to miss by going to a friend’s house for dinner. In case you have any doubts, it was not one of my favorite meals, just like these nagging telephone calls today.

   I am sure that I am not the only person who receives these obnoxious calls on a regular basis and if anyone has come up with a better solution to stop this attack than the spam risk warning, please share. Perhaps this is an issue that could be addressed by our leaders at the state or federal level. But then, they may not receive such calls and do not know about them.

   So for now, I will continue to be on guard for the ‘spam risk’ warnings on my phone and remind myself that the memories it triggers about some of those dinners of that past, are just that, memories, and will soon be forgotten. (I just can’t believe that spam in the can is still available in local stores.)