Things Aren’t Always What They Seem

 

 

   People are generally quite willing to give advice, even when not asked. Giving advice is easy. It doesn’t cost anything and is generally only as reliable as the person giving it. Advise comes in all shapes and sizes and from all directions.

   Over the years I have given my share of advice to both those who wanted it and those who did not. I have also received my share of advice from others, some I wanted, some I did not. But there was one piece of advice that continues to serve me well. “Remember things are not always what they seem.”

   If we consider each day a new adventure, with new experiences, some of those experiences becoming successes, some failures, we allow ourselves to fall victim to the trap of seeing things not as they truly may be.

   We have become a society that makes judgements on what we see on the outside and not from “within. “Flashy cars, fancy clothes, well-chosen words blind us to the lack of moral character.

   First impressions are designed to deceive, to win our confidence and it may be only a few who can see what has been carefully hidden. Confucius once said, “I have yet to meet a man as fond of high moral character as he is of outward appearance.” Is this the new level to which we have fallen?

   As the old story goes, two traveling angels stopped to spend a night at the home of a wealthy family. The family was rude and refused to let the angels stay in the guest room. Instead they were told they would have to stay in the basement. As the angles made their bed on the hard floor the older angel saw a hole in the wall and repaired it. When asked by the younger angel why, the older angel relied, “Things are not always what they seem.”

   The next night the pair came to rest at the home of a very poor but hospitable farmer and his wife. After sharing what little food they had, the couple let the angels sleep in their bed where they could get a good night’s sleep.

   When the sun came up the next morning, the angels found the couple in tears. Their only cow, whose milk had been their sole source of income, lay dead in the field. The younger angel was infuriated and asked the older angel, “How could you allow this to happen? The first man had everything, yet you helped him. The second man had very little but was willing to share everything, but you let their cow die.”

   “Things are always what they seem, “the older angel replied.” When we stayed in the basement, I noticed there was gold stored in the hole in the wall. Since the owner was so obsessed with greed and unwilling to share his good fortune, I sealed the wall so he could not find it. Then, last night as we slept in the farmer’s bed, the angel of death came for his wife. I told him to take the cow instead. Things are not always as they seem.”

   The original source of this story is unknown, but its message has been passed down through the ages. Sometimes things don’t turn out the way we think they should. But then,” sometimes things are not really as they seem.” Perhaps that is still a good piece of advice after all.

 

 

 Do you remember when…….

 

   As the holidays rapidly approach for another year, this being the 75^th for me, my mind races back to events, holidays and many activities that took place in my life as I was growing up. Even as we grow older, we are constantly learning new and often exciting things that help us navigate the ‘older’ adult life.

  When I think about some of the things I learned as a child, one of the early ‘adventures’ was learning to tie my shoes and after a great deal of practice, I finally “got it”. That was one of those early skills that still comes in handy to this day, although most of the shoes in my closet are slip-ons. Today’s challenge is not that I remember how to tie the shoelaces but about bending over to reach them in order to tie them.

   Although I don’t remember the exact day, I can remember, to some degree, the time my parents set up the greatest invention ever created. The radio was put on the shelf and replaced by the television. Ok. Back then the screen was small, the picture was black and white with shades of gray. But to be able to see a picture that moved and not just hear a voice, and sometimes even watch something that made me laugh was great. Those early cartoon shows were really funny.

   I quickly learned how to turn the television on and off, all by myself. I think there was a small knob or button that needed to be pushed or turned. That training, although useful at the time, did not really prepare me for the world of 2021 and the challenges I sometime face when I cannot find the remote these days. But finding the remote is not only about changing the channel but shutting the television off completely. Enough is enough.

   And speaking of channels, I think there were only three channels back then. The shows would begin at 7 AM and go off the air at 10PM, after the playing of the National Anthem. That might not be a bad schedule to put into practice today.

   After a few years, my little red wagon was replaced with a three-wheeler, commonly called a tricycle. It was great for racing back and forth in the driveway. But those bigger kids, what were they riding out in the road. They were riding something that had only two wheels. Wow!

   My first bicycle was blue in color, and I will admit it took me a bit longer to learn how to ride it than it took me to learn with the three-wheeler. Thank goodness for the training wheels. And after a few days and a couple of stitches in my right knee, I was able to master the ’ride’ and keep a good sense of balance. It was also quick for me to learn that ‘balance’ in life, in all aspects of life, is important to have and support. And yes, I can still ride a two-wheeler, without the training wheels.

   And we all know what eventually would follow the bike. Of course. It was learning to drive a car. But that’s a story for another day.

   Another challenge I faced, as well as did many of my friends, was learning how to tell time. In the early years, my parents were the ones responsible for making sure that I knew what time it was. Back then, it was easy to know when it was supper time or time for bed. No clock or watch needed for that. Food on the table or the pajamas on the bed were the give-a-way. But it took a while to learn how to use a clock or wristwatch.

   One of my early gifts from my grandfather was a Mickey Mouse watch. There was Mickey, arms stretched out pointing to the ten and the 4. Now you are probably thinking to yourself…what is wrong with this guy? He should have known what that meant. But the real issue is not where the arms were pointing, but what I was supposed to do at ten minutes to four on any day. Thank goodness someone finally invented this thing called a computer that tells me the time of day or night, my schedule and what I should be doing at that time.

   Learning to count by two’s was a challenge until going to school. Skipping became a substitute for walking for a couple of months along with learning to jump rope. By the way, the quickest way to learn to jump rope? Just stretch the rope out on the ground and hop from one side to the other. Simple enough.

   And let’s not forget about pets, the dogs, cats and even a canary or two. I can still remember our first dog. I was about 6 years old. His name was Patches, a toy fox terrier. And what did I learn? Respect for animals and the responsibilities that go along with owning a pet or owning anything for that matter.

   I think with few exceptions throughout my lifetime, even to this day, there have been very few times when a cat or dog, a kitten or puppy, has not been a part in my life. (We miss you so much Lucky.)

   The things we learned in the past played a significant role in who we were as a child. More important though is the influence they had as we grew into being an adult. It’s more than learning to ride a bike or tying your shoes. It can be as simple or as challenging as learning the meaning of the words ‘yes’ and ‘no’, and I admit I heard them often. What we did or how we responded when we heard these simple words influenced our character and who we are today.

   What kind of adult have I become? All this learning begins at an early age and yes, tying your shoes or figuring out how to turn on or off the television, are important. But let us not forget the many other things we learn also.

It’s About Time

 

   With the exception of maybe two or three humans who live on planet Earth, there is one thing that every person around the world has in common. What we all have in common is ‘time’. It is 60 seconds in each minute. 60 minutes in each hour. 24 hours in each and every day and 365 days in each year, except if it happens to be a leap year, then its 366 days.

   Now, there will be a few who claim that they are ‘special’ and have ‘more time’ than others, but, regardless of their claims, it’s not true. What is true is that each person spends their seconds, minutes, hours and days in different ways, and it is the way a person lives each segment of time that makes them who they are and what makes them special and the type of person they are.

   A peek down the aisle of your grocery story or a walk through the local shopping mall will reveal quickly how each individual spends those precious seconds, minutes and hours each day and it is not the same for each person. (By the way…are there any “shopping malls left?)

   The day I retired I put my briefcase in the closet and took off my wristwatch and have not worn the watch since, even despite the fact that it was a retirement gift.

   As each day passed, I realized how time had controlled my life. The constant schedules of meetings, phone calls and appointments had consumed a great portion of my life, taking away from family time, vacation trips and time needed to just relax, or maybe even to mow the lawn.

   I have come to understand more clearly, at this ripe older age, that how a person spends their time often determines the type of person they become. And I believe that applies to everyone, everyone living on this planet in any country around the world. No one has more time than anyone else although some would like you to believe they do.

   But the downside is our lack of understanding of the importance of time and what we do with the time we have. Yes…. I have made a lot of mistakes throughout my lifetime and now wish that I had taken an extra minute or two to think about what I was doing at that moment, consider the possible consequences of what I was doing and maybe change that behavior in order to become a better person

   Unfortunately, it has taken me some time to fully understand that while each of us has the same number of minutes per day, days per week and weeks per year and so on, it is what we do with those minutes every day that make us who we are.

  On a more serious note about time, even without wearing a watch, I have a pretty good idea what time it usually is. My stomach tells me when its mealtime. The shows on television tell me when it’s time to go to bed, and the sun shining brightly through the curtains in the bedroom tell me it’s time to get up. And the moon perched high in the sky tells me to go back to sleep for a few more minutes.

   But given the current trends in electronics and of course with my cell phone close by or in my pocket, I probably know what time it is today better than in the past.

   It would be foolish of me to say that it is not important to know what time it is, with doctor and dental appointments and alike. But what I have discovered today is what do I do with my free time, the time I don’t work or have appointments or have something else planned. Had I prepared myself for the future and a time when life would be very different, the place I am right now?

   I need to add something seeming unrelated here, but I feel important to include. We are currently in a time when living in a world we once thought we knew has changed. Whether it be the politics of the time or the pandemic or a crisis of potential environmental changes, it is a different world and will continue to change. Those who came before us faced many unsettling situations throughout their history too. But what remains constant are the 60 seconds, 60 minutes, 24 hours each day and knowing that time is on our side and will help get through these difficult situations too.

  So here is the lesson. I am who I am because of how I have lived my time in the past. Are there some things I would like to change? You bet there are and there is nothing stopping me, even today, in making some changes because I still have 60 seconds in a minute, 60 minutes in and hour, 24 hours in a day, 7 days in a week and 52 weeks in a year.

   It’s all about time.

 

 

Mr. Watson. Come In Here

   It was last Thursday evening. The grandfather clock struck 4:30 PM. I had settled into a comfortable chair with a glass of wine and the latest magazines that had arrived in the mail that day. Then it began.

   The first call came in around 4:45 PM. The next one rang in about 20 minutes later. That evening there were 5 spam calls in total, the last one shortly after 8 PM. And unfortunately, this has become a regular event on an almost everyday basis. And it’s very annoying.

   I now believe that one of the major businesses that continues to make millions and millions of dollars and has stayed well ahead of most other businesses in making money during the pandemic have been  the spam callers.  

   I recently heard of two cases in our community where senior citizens had been scammed out of several thousand dollars, each in what they assumed were legitimate calls from the IRS.

   I have gotten smart enough to know that unless I recognize the telephone number on my phone, I just don’t answer it, hoping it will go to voice mail. But in most cases the call ends before it kicks in the answering machine.

   I have also tried blocking calls so that it will only ring once, but some of those on the other end of the line are pretty smart and know ways to get around that too.

   A confession here. A few years ago, back in the earlier days of my retirement, I had a job that required phone calling or contacting folks by knocking on doors. Back then people were generally friendly and cooperative and often the calls were quite humorous and funny.

   But that was well before the time where we are now with the constant spam calls and scamming that takes place each and every day.

   Sometimes when I am feeling a bit ornery I will either answer the phone to see what kind of robot is on the other end of the line or I will dial the number as it appeared on the phone only to be greeted by the message that “this is not a working number.” How do they do that? Or, if there is a breathing human being on the other end of the line, what language will I be greeted with. It sure isn’t English in many cases.

   The one I really get a kick out of is when the number that appears on my phone is my own number. Oh my! Am I really calling myself? If I want to talk to myself, I can do that without the help of a telephone, not that I ever really talk to myself. Well, maybe once in a awhile.

   I also recognize the fact that there is no discrimination when it comes to scamming and calls come in either on my house phone or my cell phone.

   So, is there anyone to blame for this?

      Science and technology are very exciting. While new items and inventions are exciting at the time of their creation, it is a challenge to predict what impact these new inventions will have on the future society. The unknown! And then come the fear of the unknown.

   So having said that, I wonder what Alexander Graham Bell back in 1876 would say today about his invention that would lead to today’s telephones and the uncontrolled spam calling. One simple sentence started it all. "Mr. Watson. Come in here." I am not blaming him. He didn’t know what would develop. But I wonder if he knew what was going to happen, might he have invented something else? Maybe a space station or an electric car.

 

 School Daze….

 

  If my memory serves me correctly, it was September 1951. It was my first day of school, kindergarten. (I am quite sure that back in the day before we could enter school, our parents had to show proof of all kinds of vaccinations.) I don't remember much about that day. In fact, I don't remember anything. It was a long time ago. I am not even sure I remember the name of the school, although I'll take a guess at Roseland Elementary School in Roseland, New Jersey.

   With that day it was the beginning of 13 years of classes in grades K-12, then college, graduate school and even more graduate school. But over the years the nature and delivery and education has changed tremendously. OK. I'll say it. Today's classroom is not your grandfather's classroom anymore, especially the past year or so.

   What I do remember of the early days was the playground, school lunches, and neatly arranges chairs and desks in five rows with seven chairs in each row, each classroom exactly the same. We all went to the boys’ room and girls’ room at the same time, even if we didn't have to go and if someone in class misbehaved, we all stayed inside at recess time.

   And then there was the little red-hair girl who I always sat behind in class. But that's a story for another day.

  In the early years if we had a question, we raised our hand and when called upon, we stood up to ask the teacher the question or were called up to the teacher's desk.

   Back in the day, there were black boards, white chalk and erasers that needed to be cleaned (clapped) at the end of each day. We always clapped them against the brick wall of the school building, right near the front door. The black boards were washed each day and washing the black board for the teacher was either a reward for good behavior or a punishment for bad. (For the record, I did my share of washing! Your guess as to which.)

   Above the black board, tacked to the bulletin board, were green cards with the letters of the alphabet. In K-3, they were block letters and after grade three, the cursive letters of the alphabet.

   It was the No 2 yellow pencils for writing, plain 'off white' paper for math and blue lined paper for writing. On occasion we used pens instead of a pencil and I am still trying to remember if this was a time when the ball point pen was taking the place of a 'fountain pen'. But we were never allowed to use a pen for math. What would happen if you made a mistake? Ink didn't erase!

   Let's see now...there were the robins, the blue jays, and the turtles, the poor turtles and poor Joey P, who was a turtle most of his years in school. These were often the names given to the reading groups.

   Remember reading groups? While one group gathered in a circle for reading instruction, the rest of the class was busy at their desks, supposedly doing either map work or doing extra math problems. Nothing to do. How about practicing the alphabet, both the capital and lower-case letters? The teacher called it guided practice time. We called it 'busy' work.

   The worst time of the week... music class. Once a week, the music teacher would come into the classroom and attempt to 'teach' us to sing. She would take out her pitch pipe, pick a note and start to sing “The itsy-bitsy spider. Every day, year after year. In grade 1 or 2 it was probably OK. But in the 6^th grade..... It was always the longest 25 minutes of the week.

   The truth is that I must have found some comfort and pleasure in the classroom. After high school, I went on to college and after spending a year or so in a business administration degree program along with tutoring high school kids at several local high school in some very rural sections of West Virginia in my free time, I decided to become a teacher and school counselor. Those of you who know me know that I spent the next 35+ years at various levels of education before retiring.

   Those early years, both as a student (and I was not always the best student for sure) and as a beginning teacher, taught me the importance and value of a good education and the opportunities a good education provided throughout life.

   Schools have changed a great deal since 1951. From the robins, blue jays and turtle reading groups, to trading in the yellow No 2 pencil for today's latest computers or tablets, today's schools offer opportunities we never dreamed about 65 years ago. But what has remained the same? The importance of studying hard and getting the best education possible.

   And about that music teacher that drove many of us crazy in class for 25 minutes each week, perhaps she was attempting to teach us more about life than music back then. At least we all started the song on the same pitch each time.

 

 Decisions, Decisions, Decisions

   The sun peaks between the curtains in the bedroom window. It's another day. A new beginning. The first question, after a quick trip to the bathroom of course, is 'what to have for breakfast.' Trying to watch my weight, it's not going to be Frosted Flakes or some large cinnamon breakfast pastry. Yogurt again?

   After pouring myself a cup of coffee (no cream or sugar), do I want to watch the news on TV, read the morning paper, or read a few more chapters of the latest novel I started? Opting to read the newspaper, I usually go the 'Horoscopes' first. While I generally do not allow them to determine the kind of day I might have, often they do provide some insight.

   On this particular day I am warned that it will be a day “filled with questions that may require difficult or elusive decisions, potentially effecting the next couple of days ahead.”

   Every day we are confronted with the need to make decisions, some of them very important, ones that could have a powerful impact upon life. As humans, we are generally very bad at making decisions and choices, especially when it comes to the 'big ones.'

   The process of making a big, difficult decision can cause sleepless nights, fear and regret for making the wrong decisions, or just not knowing the potential outcomes of the choices we make.

   Most of the decisions we make on a daily basis occur without really even thinking about them. What to have for breakfast or what to wear to work do not require a great deal of thought, unless you have a job interview and what you wear may have some degree of important. Does this tie really match my sport coat?

   As a child, many of the decisions that affect our lives are made by parents or older brothers and sisters. “If you tell mom or dad about the party, I'll kill you.” But I'm too young to die!

   The first important decision most face is...” What do you want to be when you grow up?”  How do I know? I can't even cross the street by myself yet and now I have to decide on a job or career. Whatever!

   Over time we do learn how to make decisions and we discover that there are really only two things to consider, 'you' and the process you use. It is at this point those things sometimes fall apart.

   The 'you' part is pretty simple. If you are having a good day, the decisions made may work out well, but a bad day may lead to much different results. Under pressure or stress? It probably is not a good day to make that all important decision. Let your body be your guide. Quite simply, how do you feel today?

   In general, good moods often equal good decisions, while bad moods...well, you know.

   The second thing to consider is the process to use. Some people use intuition, others may take a more rational or organized approach, such as laying out a decision tree or map or use the Ben Franklin model, consisting of a piece of paper with two columns, one labeled 'pro', the other 'con'. Worked for him. Will it work for you?

  Some thoughts about making good decisions. First. Listen to instincts, but don't let them be the boss. Next. Try to look at all the alternatives. Third. If you have a bit of time on your side, separate yourself from the emotions of the moment. Distance gives perspective. Fourth. By not making a decision, you are, in actually, making a decision. You are deciding not to decide. Not a good idea if you are seeking an outcome of some kind.

 

   So, what to have for breakfast today? Instead, I think I'll just go back to bed and try to catch an extra minute of sleep.

 

500 Words

 

Putting Life in Perspective

 

   For some reason I have become fixated on age, the passing of time and history. Perhaps it is the result of all the news and events taking place in the world today. Maybe it is the fact that I am doing a bit of downsizing and cleaning out around the house and having to decide what the keep and what to throw away that is causing me to pause and reflect upon items and “things” from the past. Or maybe it’s just looking in the mirror each day and counting the new wrinkles or the seeing less and less hair albeit what’s left is almost white.

But let’s put this into some degree of perspective.

   The year was 1946. That seems like a long time ago and when looking back on those 75 years and the world we live in today, it was a long time ago. A great deal has happened.  Like any other day of the week or year for that matter, people are born, people died and life as it was back then moved on. Looking back, it didn’t seem like there was anything special going on at the time. But maybe there was, and those events may have, either directly or indirectly have contributed to the world as we know it today.

   In 1946 the United Nations held its first meeting with then 51 member nations. The United Nations was formed because the League of Nations, founded during WW I, disbanded. It didn’t work. It is interesting to note that although originally proposed by the United States, the United States never agreed to join the League.

   Bikini bathing suites went on sale in 1946 in Paris. During WW II women’s bathing suites gradually got smaller and smaller and of course this created quite a scandal in some countries around the world. But even though banned for many years in places across Europe, it finally became part of the accepted beach attire.

   Just for the record, the bikini did not hit the shores of the United States until the 1960’s. And today, well……we get a really clear picture of what they look 2021 style.

   And what did it cost to live in 1946?   A new house average cost was $5600. The cost of a gallon of gasoline was 15 cents. A new car average cost was $1120. Interesting though was the cost of the world’s first electric blanket. $39.50. Compared to a new home, that seems a bit pricy. And when was the last time you paid 64 cents for a dozen donuts?

   A couple of other facts…. Tupperware was first sold in department stores. The early beginnings of what would eventually lead to the computer were in development at several colleges. Winston Churchill gave his “Iron Curtain” speech.

   And let’s not forget the names of people who would go on the become famous and influential: Ted Bundy, George W Bush, Jimmy Buffett, Cher, Dolly Parton, Steven Spielberg, Donald Trump and Freddie Mercury, just to name a few.

   The world in 1946 had just experienced several wars and there was a great deal of activity that sought to bring about ‘world peace’ and cooperation among nations. But even with a number of attempts between then and today, we still struggle with the ability to get along with each other.

   The hope from the beginning of time may have always been to learn from experiences, to learn from both past failures and successes, regardless of the year and lead to successes in the future. As decades past and new generations assume roles of leadership, perhaps it might be appropriate to look back at the world as it was and gain the perspective on what was but more importantly, what it could be.

   And about looking into that mirror each day to check out any new wrinkles or the need to get those few remaining hairs trimmed at the local barber shop, it’s all about a perspective. So go ahead. Take a look. It’s not about what was any more but what will be…… if we allow it to happen.